_________________________________________“ her heart wanted what
her mind wouldn't allow.”
___________________________________________
March 16th, 2023
IVANNA COULD STILL HEAR HIS LAUGHTER. The way he nervously made jokes and smiled when he heard Ivanna laugh was a memory her mind couldn't forget, no matter how hard she tried.
Ivanna hated how she couldn't forget him. How she couldn't move on.
She hated not being able to control her emotions, instead they seemed to control her.
It annoyed her endlessly, so much that it drove her into a dark place of her mind. A place that took her so long to get out of, that she barely knew the way out of despite being stuck in its clutches a number of times.
Sitting in her music room, she couldn't help but let her thoughts over cloud her judgement. Her judgement of herself, of Timothée; of life.
It was times like these that she produced her best creations, so stuck inside of her mind that nothing else existed. Ivanna was simply alone with her haunted memories that encased her like the ghosts of her past, pushing her into places she swore she left.
Places she wanted to leave in the past, forever.
The sound of chords on a piano being played filled her with melancholy, so melodic that it filled her with a weird sense of enjoyment.
But even the feeling didn't stop her thoughts from ruining it, turning the feeling from light to dark in an instant.
Her fingers moved across the keys like an experienced dancer would move across a stage. Like an artist's paint brush would move across a canvas with articulation.
Music was a passion that comforted her even in the darkest of times. With her darkened mind it seemed to be more often than not.
Ivanna didn't want to get hurt again, didn't want to go through such pain again. Yet she found herself so endlessly estranged with Timothée, her heart so connected that she couldn't bear to leave him.
She couldn't forget about all the times they had together. All the memories.
She thought the distance they had would change it, change their love; their connection.
But it didn't. It may have even strengthened it, To her dismay.
Ivanna wanted to write something that would keep her heart, her mind, her soul away from his. Maybe the words would convince her that she didn't love him?
That she didn't need him? That he wasn't the sun that made her shine even on the darkest nights. That she was more than the moon, that she could be more than what people saw her as.
She took a deep breath, slowly gathering her thoughts before letting go completely.
“— and now I know, now I know
it's time to go, it's time to go home.”
Maybe if she went back to Russia again it would change her, change the way she loved him. The distance would make her forget him, would ruin what they had. She could only hope after all, it was a wish. Merely a wish.
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tell your baby, that I'm your baby | ₜᵢₘₒₜₕéₑ cₕₐₗₐₘₑₜ
Fanfiction'ᴛᴇʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀʙʏ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀʙʏ' |•. Russian singer songwriter "Ivanna Sokolova " and Timothée Chalamet were once a couple, Timothée left her because he thought it would be best. That he wasn't enough for her, for what she nee...
