[Xaden x Y/n] Love on the Parapet

Chapter 45

Y/n's pov

Your brain stops functioning as Xaden squeezes you in his arms, his head resting on top of yours on the bed, you barely catching a flash of relief in his eyes. It indeed takes everything for you to stop yourself from reaching out and pulling him closer, pushing the inevitable argument aside.

'Hi.' Xaden whispers against your ear, sending a warm shudder down your back where his arms are draped around. You force yourself to softly push him off, sitting properly on the bed. He reluctantly retracts his arms, his onyx eyes filling with worry.

'Hi.' You reply, your voice sounding stiffer from anxiety or disuse, you can't tell. Xaden sits back on the bed, his legs down to the side although his gaze stays on you, his head facing yours. 'How long was I sleeping for?' You ask, unsure how else to talk to him after everything that happened in the past however long it had been since you were last awake.

'You were out for two whole days, Y/n. Everyone was worried sick. How do you feel?' Xaden asks, his fingers twitching for a second as he stops himself from reaching out to you again.

'Fine.' You reply. 'Everyone else?' You ask, avoiding his gaze already full of yearning and looking out the window where Imogen and Liam are setting up breakfast tables.

'Also fine. We were all so terrified, though. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened-'

'You can, though.' The second the sentence slips out of your tongue you curse yourself. Even though you were mad at Xaden, that was one thing you and your friends never joked about. Or worse, used it as a weapon which you admittedly just did. You look up hesitantly, Xaden's lips parting as his eyes turn from concerned to hurt, terrified, even.

'You can't mean that.' He whispers, his shoulders going rigid in stress. 'You know it. You really don't know how terrified I was when I saw your life leaking out of you? When I checked your pulse every thirty seconds because if anything else happened.... I would not be able to keep it together anymore.' Xaden says, his voice rising a notch as he stands up from the bed, fully facing you. You stay silent as his eyes turn glassy, even though you know how much it scared Xaden and the others must have been worried.

'Okay.' You whisper, your brain barely finding the words to say. Xaden sighs, kneeling by your side to get to your eye level. You feel his hands on your cheeks, his thumb brushing over the spot below your eyes.

'I just love you so much to lose you. I mean it.' He says, but the words don't ease the knot in your chest you've felt for the whole week. Xaden waits for the reply, for you to return the words but your lips stay frozen.

'You're always saying sweet things, Xaden, but I'm too scared to trust them anymore.' You say, his face falling as you lean back, his palms still outstretched in the air where your cheeks were. Looking up, you see Xaden's onyx eyes holding so much pain that one side of your mind tells you to take everything back and hold him. But you knew your heart also couldn't afford to risk being shattered again.

'But I know you love me too.' He whispers, his voice sounding weak as he glances at the slightly crumpled note you put down on the windowsill.

'I did. A week ago.' You reply, inhaling deeply to chase away the ache inside. The room you loved spending time with him suddenly feels stuffy, Xaden's gaze pleading as it follows you getting out of bed away from him.

'You still do.' Xaden says, and you feel his front gently pressing against your back as you look out into the far distance through the window.

'I loved you, Xaden. And I don't think I can anymore. I can't keep trusting you blindly like a naive girl only to be let down again.' You reply, turning back to face Xaden one last time.

'I won't. Let you down again.' He says, his expression turning desperate as you step closer to the door.

'How will I believe that?' You whisper, slipping out of the room away from him. You hear Xaden call you from the room, following you out. You walk down the hallway, wiping your eyes and holding onto the railing as you get downstairs.

'What...the...' Bodhi says as he stops setting the plates on the table, watching you storm past him and shove the chair back in the corner and flop down. He looks to Xaden having followed you out, Imogen finishing up the bread on the table and crossing her arms.

'Well, Y/n hasn't eaten for almost three days. Girls get vicious when they're hungry.' Bodhi says, trying to diffuse the tension that everyone senses in the air. Imogen gives him a side eye at the comment, pinching his arm and whispering about him not helping.

'Xaden.' Garrick pulls out a chair beside him, a few spaces away from you, thankfully. Xaden's longing gaze stays on you as he sits down, Garrick smiling apologetically at both of you. You look up, hearing Violet and Liam laughing loudly as they get out of the building holding other dishes. Imogen turns to scold at them to be quiet, although Violet's eyes light up seeing you awake.

'Read the room, you twat.' Imogen whispers at them, thinking you can't hear her. Violet looks over at Xaden equally looking unhappy, falling silent.

'I'm just hungry and sore. No need to make everything so... tense.' You say, Liam only smiling nervously as he tries to sit down next to you, only to be shoved aside by Imogen with her elbow. Liam gives her a stink eye, Violet frowning at the two of them behaving like children.

'Eat.' Imogen orders, her hands on her hips. She turns to you, her eyes turning soft for a few seconds before placing a pile of food on your plate. Despite all your problems, you bite into the bread and egg, your stomach instantly feeling better once you start eating. Imogen sits down next to you, immediately filling the empty spaces on your plate.

Xaden's pov

Given the situation, there was no time for me to catch up with Y/n again after breakfast as Brennan pulls me into the board meeting. Members are still divided in terms of our next move, whether it is safe for us to go back to Basgiath or not. They sent us for us to die, but we survived. And we were considering going back, now non revolution members having found out about the venins too.

After an hour of heated discussion without a clear conclusion, the meeting finishes, and I walk back out of the board room toward the large living space. Violet tags Y/n along onto the couch in the middle of the hall, her eyes glued to Y/n with a shy expression on her face. She reaches out to Y/n, holding out the dagger I gave her years ago. Y/n rolls her eyes at something Violet says, taking the dagger back and shoving it in my jumper she still kept on even after breaking up with me for good. I sigh, rubbing my face in my palms.

'Didn't go well?' Garrick asks, coming up behind me and crossing his arms. 'Yeah. Got to try harder than picking up arrows and washing them for her.' He says, and I grumble in response.

Author's note: Xaden's helltime