Leap Before You Think

Chapter 9

 When I get back to my room Piper, at least I think it's her since she's in my room and there is stuff I've never seen before around Harper's bed, rushes towards me. I'm shocked at first and almost punch her, I thought that she was about to attack. I mean have you ever had some run at you with two hangers in their hands pointed end out? It's scary.

"I've got nothing to wear."

"And that's my problem."

"I'm asking for your help. Please."

Ugh. I hate having a new roommate. She's more hyper than Harper was. My eyes sting at the thought of her name. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I need to bury her in the back of my mind. It just seems so wrong to even try to do that though.

"Fine, I'll help."

"Thank you." She hugs me.

"But first I got to shower."

"I was just gonna say that you look horrible."

"Thanks,"

I walk away from her and grab my stuff to take a shower, including a dinner outfit. I make sure to take a long time in the shower scrubbing off every bit of ash, my skin looks slightly red from all my scrubbing but I don't care. I get dressed after drying off, dry my hair, and put on makeup. Then I walk back to my room. Piper is sitting on what I guess is her bed now and has an envelope in her hand. When she sees me she slides it under the pillow.

"What was that?"

"Something addressed to you and two boys named Jackson and Judah."

"Then please hand it over." I walk over and take the letter from her. It's the thing Harper said to take from under her pillow. I look at Piper with my best attempt at a smile then ask the top of the list get to know someone question, "What's your favorite color?"

Maybe I should try harder to be nice and at least attempt to go back to the way I used to be. Harper would've wanted that. She would've said, "Lorie, I know things seem tough but you've got this. The boys need your smile so that they'll smile again." I hate how everything about her now is forever past tense. Even in the way I think. I put on the mask, it's not a literal mask but I figurative one. In other words, I put on a smile. When I walk into my room I look at the clock on the way and the calendar below it. I hadn't even realized that today is my birthday. I guess happy things become less important when you're grieving. I laugh to myself and Piper looks at me funny.

"I'm officially sixteen today."

"Oh. Happy birthday." She brushes a strand of her short black hair away from her face. "I'll get you a gift."

"Let me help you as my gift."

I walk over to her and grab her brush and a bobby pin on my way over. I comb her hair to the said then pin a bit of it to the side. I take her hand and pull her over to the vanity where I tell her to sit. She does and then I go grab a dress from the wardrobe, I pull out the dress that was Harper's favorite and bring it over to her. I hold the dress out in front of Piper and she smiles. The emerald green dress complements her light brown skin perfectly.

"Where did you get that?" She asks her fingers brushing the silk of the dress.

"It's not mine, it was Harpers."

Her eyes widen at the name, "I can't wear that dress."

"You can and you will. She would've wanted you to look your best for your first dinner with me and the boys."

She looks down at her hands and fidgets with a gold ring, "I won't take any joy in wearing it."

"The matter of how much joy you take in wearing it is up to you."

"Thank you, uh. What's your name again."

"Lorie,"

"Piper,"

"I know."

The boys take our arms right away when we greet them at the entrance of the cafeteria. I know Jackson well and even though he hid it I could tell that he didn't take any pleasure in taking Piper inside instead of Harper but he'll warm up to her, just maybe not as quickly as I did. We were about to enter when Judah froze at the door. I told Jackson and Piper to keep walking and that we'd meet up with them in a bit.

"What's wrong, J."

"Nothing. You should go, I can't do this."

What?! Does he think all of this is easy for me, because it's not. A tear rolls down his face and I brush it away in the same way he did to me earlier. He smiles in return but it's half-hearted and I don't feel the way I normally do when he smiles.

"That means that something's wrong."

"You know me too well." He gives me another half-hearted smile and my heart feels like it might break.

"What's wrong."

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I need you to tell me." Because I need him to admit it, I need someone else to say that they feel the same as me in their own words.

"I can't do this without her. Nothing has felt even remotely close to normal and all anyone keeps saying is that over time it will."

I take his hand and pull him away from the entry. I can't stand here and let him look like he's gonna cry in front of thousands of eyes. I pull him all the way to the small library that is near the cafeteria. Once I shut the door he breaks down, like he literally falls to his hands and knees tears pouring from his eyes. I walk over to him and crouch down. He falls into me and I'm forced to sit down on the ground. I wrap my arms around him while he cries just like Harper used to do to me. Only she would also stroke my hair and I can't bring myself to do that it would feel too weird. I mumble things like "It's okay," but it's not "You can tell me anything," don't know why I said that, and "Just cry away all your tears," where I got that, I don't know. He keeps crying for what feels like forever and eventually, I feel my own tears roll down my cheeks. When I start crying, he stops. He sits up and looks at me concerned.

"Oh, look what I've done."

"It's fine," I laugh and brush away my tears. "You know you aren't the only one who's in pain right now, right?"

"Yes, and I'll be sure to talk to you more."

"Oh. That was not what I was saying but sure."

He laughs and sits up straighter then he stands up and pulls me to my feet.

"Look at what I did to your dress."

I look down and see that his tears stain the skirt of my dress. My own tears are on the pants of his suit. We look like a mess.

"Would she approve of this?" I ask hesitantly.

He laughs, "Not at all."

"Please don't ever tell me that we can't talk ever again."

"I was stupid for doing that,"

"You are still stupid."

"And you are ignorant."

"Shut up."

"I will never do that as long as I can speak."

I look down at my feet or rather where my feet would be if I could see them past this floor-length dress. My fingers brush against the charms on my bracelet, searching for the heart, and then remember that it's not there anymore. Judah takes my hand and guides me back to the cafeteria. I wonder when he'll tell me why he gave it to me and the story behind it.

Dinner is already almost over, but I don't care. I wasn't even hungry. I only eat dessert, which is ice cream. After dinner, I go back to my room and go back to bed without changing. Right now, I just want to go to sleep and forget this awful day ever happened, which will be hard considering that both my arms are now wrapped in bandages. I look like half a mummy.