BINI IMAGINES

Can i be him? | MIKHA

"I want you to be happy."

"With the person you love."

And...

"I hope that was me."

I wish...

"I wish i was him."

" Why can't i just be him?"

-

You sat in a dimly lit corner of the café. It was filled with Mikha's laughter, nakatitig ka lang sakanya habang may mga ngiti sa labi mo. Every words that she spoke, every smile she shows nakatitig ka lang sakanya. You love that smile of hers. Parang nakakalimutan mo lahat ng problema sa mundo.

But that day, Mikha's smile wasn't for you.

It was for someone else.

"I'm telling you, Mikha. If you ever see that thing, you'll just burst out laughing because of how funny it is." Your eyes drifted to the person who just spoke, he's sitting next to Mikha. Nick. Nick was handsome, confident and charming, everything you wasn't. Mikha seemed to like this man, halata mo sya dahil bihira para sakanya ang ganitong pakikitungo sa ibang tao. Sayo nya lamang nagagawa lahat nang yon.

"Okay that's enough na, i'll see it for myself next time" Mikha spoke while trying to make herself stop laughing, her eyes is already filled with tears because of too much laughing. You felt a pang on your chest, wishing that you could be the one who's making her laugh and happy like that.

Iniisip mo na sana, ikaw nalang ang tinititigan niya gaya ng pagtitig niya kay Nick.

-

During the party of one your friends, naparami ang inom si Mikha kaya wala kang choice kundi ang ihatid sya pauwi. On your way back, Mikha Mikha spoke with her voice, soft and sincere. "I think i'm falling for someone..." even her sleepy eyes were sparkling.

You heart skipped a beat. For a moment, you allowed yourself to hope, hope that Mikha may be talking about you.

"Kanino?" you tried to sound casual, but your heart was pounding in your chest.

Mikha smiled. "Nick. I think he's amazing... This is new for me kasi sakanya ko lang lahat naramdam yung mga bagay na hindi ko ma-explain... I've never felt like this before."

You felt your heart sink and like a bunch of sharp daggers went deep through it. You forced a smile to hide your pain. Nakinig ka lang sa lahat ng sinasabi ni Mikha tungkol kay Nick, kitang kita sa mga mata niya na gustong gusto niya talaga ang lalaki, kahit na masakit, titiisin mo.

-

Weeks later, nothing really had changed between you and Mikha, her feeling for the guy seemed to strengthen and deeper.

The conversation at the table was lively, but you were lost in your thoughts, imagining a different reality, a reality where Mikha's laughter was meant for you, where you could be the one to hold Mikha's hand, to make her feel special and loved.

Nick got up to grab another drink, and Mikha's gaze followed him, a soft smile playing on her lips. You felt a lump form in your throat. You couldn't take it anymore. You needed some air.

Masakit na. Sobra.

"Mikhs, labas muna ako sandali." You muttered, standing up abruptly.

Mikha turned, a look of concern showing on her face. "Why? Okay ka lang?"

You forced a smile. "Okay lang ako, magpapahangin lang, i'll be back."

You hurried out of the café, mabilis ang tibok ng puso mo, hindi mo kinakaya lahat ng nakikita mo. Sinabayan pa ng malamig na simoy ng hangin, agad kang huminga ng malalim para pakalmahin ang iyong sarili.

You walked to the edge of the street, leaning against the lamppost while staring up at the night sky.

"Bakit ba hindi nalang ako?" You whispered to yourself. "Bakit ba hindi niya ako kayang tignan gaya ng pagtingin ko sakanya?"

You felt a tears sting your eyes, you wanted to be the person Mikha described that night, the one who made her heart race, who filled her dreams. You wanted to be the one who made Mikha feel loved and cherished, the way you had always dreamed of doing.

A moment later, the café door opened, and Mikha stepped out. "Y/n?" she called, her voice soft.

You quickly wiped your eyes and turned, trying to smile. "Hey... sorry, i just needed a moment."

Mikha walked over to you, her thick beautiful brow furrowed with concern. "You've been quiet tonight... is everything okay?"

You hesitated, your heart pounding. Gusto mong sabihin lahat, lahat ng nararamdaman mo noon pa man. Pero, hindi mo kaya. Nginitian mo lang siya na parang ayos lang ang lahat sayo. "Yeah, i'm fine... i guess pagod lang"

Mikha didn't look convinced, but she nodded. "Okay... just know I'm here if you ever want to talk, alright?"

Your heart ached at the kindness in Mikha's voice, a kindness you had always loved. You wanted so badly to reach out, to hold Mikha's hand, to tell her how you felt. But you knew that Mikha's heart belonged to someone else.

"Thanks, Mikha..." You whispered, your voice barely audible. Mikha smiled, that same beautiful smile that had captured your heart so long ago. You reached out to take her hand and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry if i fell for you."

"I'm sorry if i love you more than friends can do."

"I'm sorry i felt this way, knowing that this feelings of mine can't be reciprocated"

You knew that Mikha only saw you as a friend, and maybe that was all you both would ever be. But in your heart, you knew you would always be waiting, hoping, dreaming of a day when it could finally be "you"-the one who made Mikha's heart skip a beat.

"I already lose to win your heart."

"And i can't afford to lose what we have right now."