Where do I start. It's September!!! Which means it's spring omg. Ummmm. On that last note I thought things were going alright with her. We hung out last week. She told me a couple of days ago that we'd hang out sat or Sunday (today) can't remember which one. Doesn't matter because she said no yesterday to go out clubbing and today I tried to call and she didn't pick up. Next thing I knew she was driving to go meet someone else (I saw on life360) I know I seem like a crazy girlfriend right now but like. All of these things are whatever on their own but added up I just can't. I want to not care but I do. I want to not try anymore, but I still am. The thing is. I know I'm still her best friend. But idk I don't feel appreciated. Ummm next topic Uni. I've submitted 2 assignments. Got an hd for one of them (first hd on a plus 1000 word written assignment ever). I went to a networking event. That was interesting, I learnt that people like to talk more than they like to listen. There's this guy in my classes that was there and he's so attractive but I don't trust him. He's too attractive. Moving on. So yeah Uni is going smoothly kinda. Idk. It feel hopeless like I can't see myself finishing even though I'm so close. But hey, I'll blink and it'll be over. Next topic. Gym. Ahhhh. I'm so bad. I haven't done that or tried to eat healthy for a while. I did go on a hike the other day and that was interesting. I have a big ego and so I have to do the hard ones. I was like 2 hours in and almost at the falls and then I saw 2 kangaroos so close to me and it dawned upon me how far away from everyone I was. Like 3km radius away from anyone, probably more tbh. So I turned around which was probably a bad idea and took me longer and I saw more kangaroos anyway. I was scared they were gonna fight me or something. Alright kpop review time. Where do I start. I liked supersonic by fromis 9. Who by jimin was good. Roses by jaehyun so sooooo mmmmmhhh you know what I mean. Didn't like enhypens comeback and the fabric is weird aswell especially considering their fans. I did really like brought the beat back though. I've been lesserafim comeback is pretty good crazy is their worst title but it's still really good. 1800 hot and fun is the song though. She is that bitch. I've been waiting for it since coachella and I haven't stopped listening to it. I've been listening to love on the floor by nct 127 a lot too. Speaking of. The taeil situation. Now, if youve read the rest of this journal, you'll know I have my biases. For now, I don't believe it. It's not that I believe he's innocent either. It's just that there's this wild thing of staying neutral when there's no evidence. Texts and emails aren't evidence in my eyes. Innocent until proven guilty idk how many times that needs to be said. Watch it get proven that he's bottom of the barrel worst human ever and all of these words to means nothing. The damage is done though no matter the outcome, he is not in nct anymore. For now, I'm neutral. Next. I kinda want to start swimming again, but I know I'll give it up haha. Next. I'm trying to think if there's anything I want to say before the big topic haha. Alright the big topic. So there's this guy at my work and when I first met him I was like k he's cute and really nice and charismatic. Nothing weird and I didn't think too much more. Over time I've developed a crush??? Idk if I'd call it that but definitely an intense interest in him. We talk a lot, but it's all normal. 2 problems though. He's got a girlfriend lol (not like I was gonna try anything) and the worse problem that makes me feel disgusting, he's 18-19 (I'm 21). I know that legal and that that much of an age difference. But at this age that's huge. I'm gross. That's another thing I feel so old at work even though tyre all like 19. Idk I just feel like they think I'm immature and shit. Idk. You know what my problems is. I'll say whatever it takes to make someone laugh. I've always been known as funny and I feel pressure to keep that up. Anyway back to main point he def doesn't like and me I don't think I've let it known that I'm a little more interested in him than it seems but still. What's wrong with me. I literally just crush on anyone. I know this seems weird and opposite but, outside of work I hope he doesn't think of me at all. He doesn't perceive me. Well I hope. And tbh, that's probably true which is nice. To be fair to myself. He is very attractive and nice and extremely charming with everyone. Idk man. I think I'm just confusing having a likeable guy be nice to me with being infatuated with him. Alright is there anything else I want to say??? Not really good night. 2:35am
