Can We Go Back? [ "SINFUL" Series #1 ] UN-EDITED

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Tj

"Si mom muna ang mag aalaga kay theron." Sabi ko kay sandra.

"...Baka pagod pa sila, kararating lang nila."

"No nakausap ko na si mom, don't worry okay? Shiloh is looking for you."

"Naging Mama's girl ata si shiloh ngayon, araw araw naman ako dumadalaw ah."

"Yeah, napansin ko rin. Maybe she missed you that's why."

Nagkaroon ng improvement si shiloh, tama nga si dad. It's been six months since we came here in canada, ang laki ng pagbabago kay shiloh, nagagawa na naming maging kampante ni sandra. Sobrang strong ni shiloh, lumaban ang anak ko, kaya wala ako o kaming rason para hindi rin lumaban. Kinaya nya lahat ng pagsubok sa kanya. Sabi ng mga doctors ay miracle na raw ang nangyare kay shiloh. Kaya masasabi kong wala kaming karapatang sukuan siya.

Theron is already eight months, malapit na itong mag isang taon. Hopefully makasama na namin si shiloh sa bahay bago mag birthday si theron. Shiloh is already five. She's really happy when her birthday comes with a snow, napaka bihira lang ang snow tuwing september, kaya masasabi naming lapitin ng himala ang anak ko. Napag usapan na rin namin ni sandra na kahit simpleng celebration lang ang gagawin. We're gonna invite our friends only, and that's it.

"Daddy! look!..," pinakita ni shiloh ang drawing nito, hindi ko nga lang mapunto kung ano ba 'yon.

"What's that? Baby," tanong ko.

"A cloud!" Proud na sabi nito. "It's beautiful right daddy?" Tanong nito sa'kin habang malawak ang mga ngiti nito. I miss her beautiful smile.

"You want to see a lot of clouds today?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

"Yes daddy! But, i want it with mommy too." Malungkot na sabi ni shiloh. "Mommy and i always look at the clouds before, with tita ninang. But now," yumuko ito at alam kong iiyak nanaman ito. "Tita ninang is not here, daddy. I miss her so much." She really love's her tita ninang, her first dad."

"Baby, tita ninang miss you too. Let's call her later ok?, and for now... Let's go to the rooftop and look at the beautiful clouds!..." Sabi ko at binuhat si shiloh, hawak ko rin ang IV fluids na nakakabit kay shiloh.

Habang paakyat kami ni shiloh ay nakikita ko ang tuwa sa mga mata nya. Sabik na sabik laging lumabas si shiloh, at alam rin namin ang rason kung bakit. Shiloh stayed in the hospital for almost two years, and she can't even play like other children. Every time she peeked outside, Shiloh couldn't help but feel jealous. She always asked me if she could go out and play with them. Even if I wanted to allow her, but we were strictly instructed that it would be better if she stayed in the room, so that she could avoid other viruses.

"Daddy when can i see baby theron again? I miss him, daddy... I hope i can play with him again soon.

"Of course anak, for now baby theron needs to stay at home with mommy." Paliwanag ko.

"Mommy won't come here daddy? But, she promised me..." 

Hindi na ako sumagot dahil bumukas na ang elevator, we're already here on the rooftop. Binaba ko si shiloh mula sa pagkakabuhat, at hinayaan ko itong maglakad.

Naghanda ako ng upuan para kung sakaling pagod na si shiloh ay pwede itong umupo. She really love clouds, I see joy in her eyes. Kung ano ano ang sinasabi ni shiloh sa'kin pero, hindi ko 'yon pinapakinggan, nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kanya habang nakangiti.

Maikling panahon lang kitang nakasama anak, kaya gagawin ni daddy lahat, kahit maubos ako, kahit maghirap si daddy, kayang kaya kong bitawan lahat para sa'yo, kay theron, at sa mommy nyo.

"How can i reach the clouds daddy? Is it possible to touch them?"

"Of you can..., a lot of people already did that. They said it's like a tiny droplets? Daddy is not sure, but I'm sure of one thing, we'll do that when you get better."

"Really!?"

"Oo naman! Just promise me that you'll be more healthy ok? Then when you get better, we will do a lot of things. Kung!... Papayag si mommy..."

"Syempre! ...Paayag ako..."

Pareho kaming napalingon ni shiloh kung saan mayroong nagsalita. It's sandra. She's here. Lumapit ako at iniwan ko muna si shiloh sa upuan.

"Kanina ka pa?" Tanong ko kay sandra.

"Hhmm?... Medyo? Kamusta sya?"

"Getting more better. Tara lapit ka." Pag aaya ko sa kanya.

Lumapit kami kay shiloh na nakatingin pa rin sa mga ulap. Buti nalang at medyo maganda ang panahon ngayon. Umupo si sandra sa tabi ni shiloh, at ganon rin ako. Nasa gitna namin ngayon si shiloh.

Nagulat nalang kami ni sandra nang biglang, hinawakan ni shiloh ang kamay namin at pinag tabi ito. Pareho kaming nagtaka ni sandra pero pinagsawalang bahala nalang namin pareho 'yon. Maya maya lang ay nagsalita si shiloh.

"Mommy, daddy... Please don't fight again."

Sabay kaming lumingon sa isa't isa ni sandra at may parehas na reaksyon. It means shiloh knows whenever we're fighting?

"I see mommy crying many times. Daddy..." Lumingon ito sa'kin, at mayroong luha sa mga mata nito.

Hindi ako makapag salita, all this time alam ni shiloh ang nangyayare? I'm so fucking careless! And now Shiloh is begging me not to fight her mommy anymore? Damn! She's really aware.

Si sandra ay nakayuko lang habang umiiyak at pinapakinggan kung paano maki-usap si shiloh sa'kin. Lumuhod ako sa harap ni shiloh, at hinawakan ko ang dalawang kamay nito, hinalikan ko 'yon ng paulit ulit habang patuloy sa pag-iyak.

"I'm sorry..." I also held Sandra's hand, who was still looking down. "I'm sorry honey..." Sabi ko kay sandra. "I'm sorry anak, sorry naging bad si daddy kay mommy..."

"I was mad at you before, daddy, but I didn't want you to leave me again, so I didn't tell you... "

I heard Sandra cry loudly, she couldn't stop herself from crying especially because of Shiloh's words.

"Baby... I promise I won't hurt mommy again. I promise... forgive daddy please..." Paghingi ko ng tawad kay shiloh.

"Promise?" Tanong nito. Tumango naman ako bilang sagot ko. "It's ok daddy... I love you... I forgive you. ... please say sorry to mommy, Daddy..."

Tumango ako at hinalikan sa noo si shiloh. Lumipat ako sa harap ni sandra habang nakaluhod. Kinuha ko ang mga kamay ni sandra at hinawakan ko 'yon ng mahigpit. Patuloy pa rin sa pag iyak si sandra, humihikbi ito at nakikita ko ang sakit na nararamdaman nya. 

"Forgive me honey... I've hurt you so many times, and i admit that i was so stupid that time. I shouldn't do that to you... You don't deserve that honey... Kahit araw araw akong humingi ng tawad sayo gagawin ko, maalis ko lang 'yang sakit na nararamdaman mo, na ako rin mismo ang nagbigay."

"Tj... Sorry din..."

"No, honey please... Ako lang ang mag sosorry... Wala kang ginawa, wala kang kasalanan. Ako, ako ang may pagkakamali."

"Tapos na 'yon tj, kaya tama na ang paghingi ng tawad. Sapat na sa'kin na naging mabuting ama ka sa mga anak natin."

I stand up, just to kiss her. Gusto ko pa sanang patagalin pero hinila ako ni shiloh pabalik sa upuan ko. Selosa talaga.

"I love you mommy, daddy, and baby theron..."

"We love you too." Sabay naming sabi ni sandra.

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