Death and Rebirth: All shades of love

Apostasy

At fifteen I found myself crying bitterly in a corner,

God seemed to have died as it was stated by Nietzsche,

The guilt had finally taken a toll on my sanity,

Little did I know I had so many tears to shed,

Tried to comfort myself,

Tying my own arms around myself,

But I was too broken to be held together...

Too many years in denial,

Too much effort put in lying to myself,

Too much mental torture trying to fit,

Avoiding thoughts of boys

And now madly in love with one...

God had certainly left me alone,

To surrender to the desires of my flesh,

To let the lust course through my pores,

To indulge the sin so condemned by his book,

To devour me from inside out...

At fifteen I found myself crying bitterly in a corner Right after being kissed for the first time,

Hating the person that I loved the most,

Hating the person, I had become,

Wishing nothing but the death...

Reenacting those gory scenes, I had read about,

At fifteen I found myself holding a knife

Slaying my wrists open, unlike the Gates of Heaven,

But God in his cruel irony,

Didn't let me join my ancestors...

He really wanted me to break further

To defy his will time and again,

And finally, I accepted he had disowned me from birth,

Took me five years to shed the faith I had been raised with,

And finally, I embraced my true self,

I was gay, not damned,

I was queer, not an outcast,

I was just me...

At twenty I found myself smiling at my own reflection,

Holding hands with the one I still call mine,

At twenty I learnt that my family's love was stronger than any bigotry...

At twenty I started to really live.