Numb
Why is it that hate
Hurts more than sorrow
That sorrow hurts more
Than pain
Is it because they all are derived from the same place?
These emotions cut off all others making any other feeling numb.
Numb is good
You can't hurt when you are numb
Numb is freeing
Numb is painless
Why have sorrow
When you can be numb
Why have hate that causes disease
When you can be numb
Emotional pain hurts worse than physical pain.
I would rather have a bus run me over, than have my best friend tell me that they don't trust me.
The person I have known for 19 years.
The person I have thrown people into walls for in order to protect them.
The person who knows my deepest darkest secrets.
The person that I love more than I love myself.
That person who is my blood.
And all it took was five little words for my world to shatter. Be turned into tatters. five words whispered into the morning light.
"then i guess, i don't"
At a kitchen table as the two of us set down our coffee cups and began yelling at each other. I wanted to know the truth and now that I do I wish I lived in ignorant bliss. Like how I did before. But that will never be.
How can I trust you now when you questioned me.
Me, the one who's always been in your corner.
Me, the one who held you as you cried.
Me, the one who kept you away when he was mad.
Me, who came in between you and so many things.
How can five little words,
fracture everything that was.
I wish I was numb. So I won't feel this deep pain.
I wish I was numb. So I could move on.
I wish I was numb.
I WISH I WAS NUMB
I WISH I WAS NUMB IWISHIWASNUMBIWISHOWASNUMBIWISHIWASNUMBIWISHIWASNUMB
That is my only thought now.
Everyone can see that something is different. But they don't know how much. Sometimes I feel warm streams fall down my apples. When I acknowledge them it flows harder. It's better to be numb. You can't be hurt when you are numb. I am done with feeling. I want it to all end.
But I won't cause the only way to make it stop is the cold embrace. It's not my time. So I walk the earth, void. Waiting to feel again and then to shove it down. Because numb is better than the things I feel now.
And the cycle repeats once again.
*****************
Here is another poem.
~ B. Whetstone
