Is It Enoguh?

Honesty

"I will call to see you again" Vegas was sad but somehow relieved, just after his words Pete changed the "see them" for "see you". Maybe Vegas could have hope.

Vegas's mind was working 24/7, trying to focus on Venice, Macau, work,.... But every time he kept coming back to Pete, to the words he told him in the park. He wasn't lying, he realised he was still under his father's influence. But he was also aware of Pete's behaviour, he wasn't now same Pete who forgave him after waking up from his coma, the same Pete who was at home even when he forgot his dates or when he thought Vegas was with another man. How could Pete think that? Vegas's heart had been his for a long time... But then again, he acted like a real asshole to Pete. It was normal that he didn't want to trust him. And he couldn't fool himself, even if his father's influence shaped many of his actions, the reality was that it was no justification for all the pain he caused Pete. He could no longer use that as an excuse. He needed to be better, to be honest with himself. It would be hard and it would take time, but he had to see how many of his actions were his own and how many were his father's wishes.

The revenge against his uncle was for his father, something he thought he owed him, even if it wasn't true, he owed his father nothing. But it wasn't just about his father, and he couldn't pretend otherwise, he was hurt and felt betrayed when he found out that his uncle made Porsche the head of the Minor family. Although deep down he knew it was a trick of his uncle's to keep him tied down, it didn't erase the dark feelings, he wanted his uncle dead, not just because he killed his father but because he took away his birthright. But wanting his uncle dead and leaving Pete aside wasn't a cause and effect thing, it was something he did for himself, not because of his father, his uncle or even Porsche, it was an easy way to not think about anything else, to not have any worries. Because if he stayed with Pete he would have to think about his feelings, about his future, about what would happen with Macau, about how to be a good boyfriend for Pete, a person he could trust, he would have to think about the dependent, toxic love he once felt for Pete. He didn't want to repeat what he did to Pete when he held him captive and in chains, he was afraid of losing Pete, of loving him so intensely that he would need to tie him down again, and that he couldn't allow, Pete didn't deserve that kind of love.... But instead of talking to him and telling him about his fears he preferred to occupy his mind with revenge and in the end, the fear became a habit, the obsession disappeared not because Vegas didn't feel it, but because he had moved away from Pete. And as sad as it sounded, he abandoned Pete and had no one to blame but himself.

His father always said he was a coward, he was right, Vegas was a fucking coward when it came to his feelings for Pete. He didn't lie to him when he told him that he was the first person he ever fell in love with. Pete was his first and only love, and he would also be his last. He changed a lot for Pete, well, he wouldn't call it change, it was something more like he showed a side of him that he had never shown since his mother died, not even with Macau. Vegas didn't want to be the heir to the family, he wanted to be a normal guy and he could be that with Pete, and the best thing was that Pete didn't reject him, Pete treated that Vegas differently, his smiles were more real, even his insults, or his love.
The love that Pete felt for him... Vegas didn't deserve it, that was for sure, and the intensity of it, Vegas could feel that Pete loved him with one look, he didn't need to say anything. And it scared him, that Pete would see that Vegas didn't deserve that love, that he was wasting his time loving him, that he was wasting a love that anyone else deserved more than he did. And that fear was what kept him away from home some nights, what kept him from talking to Pete, what kept him from seeing that this intensity was slipping from Pete's eyes, that this love was slipping away. And all that he lost, he couldn't blame other than himself. He would not make that mistake again, he would talk to Pete about his feelings, his fears, his hopes, even if it was the only thing Pete would allow him to do, he would fight for a place in his heart and in his life again.