Chapter 29
"Yes. I will work on that. Thanks for letting me know. . ." I spoke to my colleague who showed up at my desk and then got back to my work once again.
As soon as I set my foot back to work, I knew I had to do the right thing for my life and my son's future. I've been dealing with the loss of my wife for the past few years. It was hard for me to get back on track so easily, but I was getting there.
"I forgot something to tell," sabi pa ng katrabaho ko na bumalik pa sa desk ko. "Meron tayong celebration later so everyone will go out. We're hoping you could come with us. Minsan lang mangyari 'yon so I hope you will join us. Alam mo na, it was also a way to get to know everyone."
Agad naman akong tumango. "Sure thing. I'll go. I'll better get this job done so I don't have to worry about anything tomorrow."
"Go for it, Cho!" he cheered and left me.
Limer's three years old now, and we've been doing well since then. There was only one problem I had to go through last year which was so hard for me to make a decision. I decided to sell our house—the one Synestine and I bought together. I was going out of funds and my parents wouldn't be able to support me and Limer with their monthly pensions as it wasn't that big enough to cater to four people. I sold our house and we stayed at my parent's house. I've given some of the money to them, saved half of it, and put most of it for Limer's needs.
I had to go through all these changes in my life and I couldn't avoid them, but as to what my therapist said, life would be easier for me if I would go through these changes and once I did, everything would be lighter for me. She was helpful and I don't think I would get back on track if it wasn't for her.
I only met her once a month when she told me weekly or biweekly meetings should no longer be an option for me. She doesn't tell me how to live my life. She wasn't forcing me to do what she was saying, but a guide for me. I trusted her and I'm thankful for the progress I have right now.
I put my attention on my work. Somehow having a job kept my mind free from anything that would put me back in my situation before. Good thing, that there was a company that hired me even though I don't quite fit well for the role they were looking for. Eventually, I did well in it and was happy that I didn't put too much effort into it.
Hindi rin nagtagal ay natapos ko ang gawain ko. I was one time before logging out of work.
I cleared my desk out and found everyone grouping before leaving the office. Sumama na lamang ako sa kanila. Hindi naman daw malayo ang pupuntahan namin at ten-minute walk lang ay mararating na namin angh resto na tinutukoy nila.
For the past year, I've been working with them, and it wasn't hard for me to get along with them. Though for the past few months, I've only been getting to work and going home right after. Hindi ako sumasama sa dinner out nila for fun or kung may celebration man. I told them my son was waiting for me back home. Kahit na may mga reason pa silang binibigay sa akin, I would rather spend my time with my son. That was my routine and seeing my son growing up healthy and happy, I thought it was time for me to focus on myself.
As soon as we reached the place, everyone have a seat for themselves. Tinawag naman ako ng isa kong katrabaho at sinave niya ang katabing upuan para sa akin. I settled in and looked at everyone else who was talking with each other and seemingly having a good time.
"How are you doing, Cholo?" tanong ni Jack sa akin sabay tapik sa braso ko.
"I'm doing fine, Jack. Ikaw ba?"
"Same as you! I'm happy na nakasama ka na this time," aniya. "Matagal ka na naming niyayaya, e. Mabuti naman naisipan mo na this time. I hope your son won't be looking for you at this time."
I chuckled. "I hope so, but I think I need to get some donuts for him before I get home."
"You're such a father of the year, Cholo," komento pa nito. "Kung merong Employee of the month, sa 'yo na 'yong titulo na 'yon."
"Can I also get a salary increase sa award na 'yon?" tanong ko pa saka siya natawa.
Sumang-ayon din naman siya sa sinabi ko. "Oh, I wish, Cho! Kung may salary increase 'yon, baka matagal na rin ako naging tatay kung alam mo lang," biro pa nito. "I'm not sure if you've mentioned anything about your wife, partner. . . Does she live with you?"
I put a thin smile on my face. "She's no longer here, Jack. . ."
"Oh, I'm sorry. . ."
I patted his shoulder. "Thank you and no worries."
Later on, the food was served and everyone started eating. Napansin din ng iba na kasama nga nila ako at tuwang-tuwa sila na naksama ako. I was glad I could come, too. May ibinida pa sila sa akin na initiation at iyon ay uminom ng isang shot ng vodka.
I stopped drinking nearly two years ago. I was a mess and drank alcohol like water after Synestine's death. They don't know what I've been through. I haven't told anyone about it, except for Jack just a moment ago. Tatanggihan ko pa sana sila sa pag-anyaya sa akin, pero ayoko rin naman maging KJ.
I took the shot glass and drank the vodka straight. They all cheered for me and said I would have to drink two shot glasses next time.
It was fun getting along with them, and somehow, I realized I've missed a lot of things lately. I've been so focused on the life I wanted for my son—what Synestine would want for him. Hindi naman ako nagkamali sa ginawa ko dahil ayoko ring pabayaan ang buhay ng anak ko.
My parents helped me along the way and I was so thankful for the efforts they did for my family. Hindi naman nila responsibildad si Limer, pero tinulungan pa rin nila ako. I couldn't ask for more. They're the best parents in the whole world for me.
Kalagitnaan ng selebrasyon ay tinutukso naman nila ako sa isa naming babaeng katrabaho. Pareho naman daw kaming single. Bagay daw kami. Same age. At kung ano-ano pa. I was just getting on with them dahil alam kong katuwaan lang 'yon.
"Hindi mo ba alam, crush ka no'n na Grace?" halos pabulong pang kwento ni Jack sa akin. Napaangat naman ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. "Kinukwento ka kasi no'n tapos narinig ko lang one time. Nahihiya lang daw lumapit sa 'yo kasi crush ka nga, e. Nagkakausap naman kayo no'n, 'di ba?"
Tumango naman ako. "Araw-araw naman. . ."
"Do you mind me asking something?"
"No, I don't. What is it?" I said, shaking my head.
"If you will go back to dating someone else again, would you do it?"
Napakibit balikat naman ako. "I don't know, Jack. . . Wala siya sa isip ko, to be honest."
"Ah, okay lang 'yan. Hayaan mong ma-heartbroken din si Grace. May pagka-delusional din talaga minsan 'yon, e." Tawa pa nito.
"I hope she will find the one for her."
"Well, if you'll be around, I think that would be hard for her."
I chuckled. "I hope she would. I'm just not into dating anyone right now."
Tinapik naman nito ang balikat ko. "I get it, Cho. If you're ready, magtanong ka lang sa akin. Marami akong da moves na pwede mong gamitin."
I scoffed. "Sure! I will keep that in mind."
When the dinner ended, I walked home. Hindi ko na naabutan ang huling bus. Saglit lang nang may prumeno sa akin at nang ibaba nito ang bintana ng sasakyan ay nakita ko si Grace. Niyaya naman ako nito na sumakay sa sasakyan niya at ihahatid na niya ako sa bahay. I declined her at first, pero napilit niya ako dahil wala na nga ring bus pauwi. We ended the dinner so late at midnight.
Grace was talking to me along the way home. She was telling me a lot of things I thought I shouldn't be hearing, but then again when she asked me if I was interested in going out with her at some point, it was hard for me to turn her down as I knew it would hurt her feelings so I accepted it to see if something would come out along the way.
But when we did, I met and we had dinner, I didn't feel anything. I felt so bad about it, but she said I shouldn't mind about it. Maybe I wasn't ready to date anyone else right now. Maybe Synestine became a standard for me in a girl that no one can compare.
Maybe I would be single for the rest of my life and that's okay. I think.
