Match Point

Chapter 34: Fear of Sleep

How did anybody find out where I was?

How did anybody find that out?

I was hiding from the world

- "Fear of Sleep," by The Strokes

_____________________________________________

Lettie

As I slid back into the backseat after changing the station, I glanced at Landon, his mouth twitching, holding back a laugh and, I'm sure, a comment.

"Too much for you?" he teased, his voice light, but I knew he could feel the heavy tension in the car.

"Focus on the road," I tsked playfully, settling back into my seat and staring out the window as the next song began. I drummed my fingers anxiously on my lap, everything that had happened today racing through my mind.

Landon caught my eye in the rearview mirror. "You okay back there?"

I nodded.

Simon was still staring blankly ahead, his arms folded across his chest. I couldn't blame him for retreating, but I was still frustrated and upset with him, and it was all raging beneath my exhaustion.

It was a relief when we finally pulled up to Simon's building. Landon and I got out of the car so we could help Simon get out.

"You're sure you don't mind staying?" I asked, grateful that despite their sniping at each other earlier, Landon still offered to stay with him.

Landon met my eyes and gave a short nod. "Yeah, I'll be fine. You just make sure you take care of yourself tonight."

I smiled gratefully at him, my hand brushing over his shoulder. "Thanks, Lan."

We helped Simon inside, and as we guided him to his bed, I couldn't help but feel the weight of everything crashing down on me again. I hated that he felt like he couldn't lean on anyone, that he was carrying this burden all on his own. But at the same time, I knew I couldn't fix everything. I had my own life now with Alex, and while Simon would always be important to me, I had to find a balance between caring for him and living my own life.

"Good night, Simon," I whispered as we settled him into bed. He gave me a small, tired smile in return.

"I love you, Lettie...." Simon's voice cracked as he grabbed my hand. "I don't deserve your goodness. Thank you, and I'm sorry... Sorry for snapping at you today and for not telling you everything that was going on. I am truly happy for you and Alex. I just didn't want to be an issue for you, so I stepped back from you. I'm gonna keep stepping back, Lettie."

"Are you breaking up with me again?' I exhaled a trembling laugh. I was so close to tears, but I clenched my teeth to try and force the emotions down.

"Not again," he smirked, squeezing my hand. "Just finally letting go."

I don't know why it hurt so bad to hear him say that. I was happy with Alex, over the moon. But Simon was my first real adult love, and he was at one time my very best friend. Simon knows more about me than Kiara and Niamh; I gave him all of me. I think having him at the periphery of my life after we broke up has been comforting. He wasn't always nice about the breakup, but it was hard to just let everything we had go and think we could be strangers to one another one day; I didn't want that.

I nodded, squeezing his hand briefly before stepping back. I didn't know what to say; I was heartbroken by everything. "Your mum will be here first thing. I didn't, obviously, tell her about the abdominal aortic aneurysm that you literally dropped on us, but you need to tell her. If you don't, I will."