The Lunar Vanguard (SunSun)

Chapter 19: Learning to feel

The next morning, Sunoo jolts awake at 6 a.m., heart pounding from a nightmare. Fear lingers as he lies there, drenched in sweat, his body unsettled. Glancing at Sunghoon, still asleep and worn out, Sunoo quietly slips out of bed, trying not to disturb him. His hands tremble, a mixture of cold and the remnants of the nightmare gripping him as he heads to the bathroom.

Once inside, Sunoo turns on the cold shower and steps under it fully clothed. The icy water cascades down, numbing his skin, matching the numbness inside. His mind swirls with thoughts of yesterday—the ritual, the flood of memories. It hurt so bad.

As the cold water pours over him, he’s lost in the storm of his own emotions, grappling with the confusion, uncertainty and pain stirring within.

It felt weird, he was suddenly aware of the place he was in.

He was no longer in the Crimson Claw pack.

He was no longer the weird omega who lived on the pack's borders.

He was no longer fighting to survive or anxious that he will be abused by his father or attacked by his pack mates.

Sunoo was safe, happy, and loved.

It felt bad..

He stays under the freezing water, unaware of time passing, until the water suddenly stops. Startled, Sunoo looks up, shivering, and sees Sunghoon standing there, eyes half-closed and frowning.

"It's freezing cold, baby. What are you doing?" Sunghoon's voice is soft, but laced with concern.

"I'm sorry," Sunoo murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sunghoon leans down, placing a tender kiss on Sunoo’s lips. "I don’t want you to apologize. Let’s get you in a warm shower before you catch a cold, okay?"

Sunghoon’s touch is gentle as he guides Sunoo out of the cold shower, switching the water to warm.

Their conversation, mostly Sunghoon is the one speaking, is soft, filled with unspoken emotions. Sunghoon’s concern shines through as he tries to lift Sunoo’s spirits, drying his hair gently once they’re back in the bedroom.

Despite Sunghoon’s best efforts to lighten the mood, to pull Sunoo back from the heavy silence that had settled between them, Sunoo remained distant—lost in his own world. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at nothing in particular, his hands resting limply in his lap. His eyes, normally so bright and full of life, were clouded with something else now—something far more complex and troubling.

Sunghoon hovered nearby, his gaze never leaving his mate. The tension in the room was palpable, and the alpha could feel every ounce of Sunoo’s inner turmoil through their bond. It was like a wave of cold emptiness, crashing over Sunghoon’s own heart. He hated it—hated feeling helpless, hated seeing Sunoo so withdrawn. The bond between them, which had always brought him comfort, now made him all the more aware of how much Sunoo was struggling.

"Sunoo," Sunghoon said softly, his voice laced with concern as he took a step closer. "Please talk to me. I can feel you pulling away."

But Sunoo didn’t respond immediately. His fingers twitched slightly, as if he were trying to will himself to move, to say something, but the weight of everything pressed down on him too heavily.

Suddenly, everyone cared. His whole life, no one had cared this much—not like this. Not even his own family had shown him this level of concern, this overwhelming protectiveness. His father had been cold and cruel, focused on torturing and neglect rather than love. Now, with Sunghoon and the pack, things were different. They cared—deeply—and it was suffocating in a way that was completely foreign to him.