Can't find way out ASHA

Eyebrows

The day of the interview finally arrived, and I was sitting in the lobby, feeling like a zombie that hadn’t had its coffee fix yet. My resume was crumpled in my sweaty hand, and my stomach was doing backflips like it was auditioning for Pilipina’s Got Talent. 

“Kaya mo 'to, Asha. Walang atrasan. Hindi pwedeng tumambay forever.” I told myself, but deep down, I was still considering the sweet life of couch-potatohood.

“Miss Guerrero? You’re next,” said the receptionist.

I stood up slowly, like my legs were made of noodles. Okay, Asha, this is it pancit. Time to adult. Time to show them you’re more than just a girl who reads books—and, uh, BL fanfics until 3 AM.

As I entered the interview room, I was greeted by a woman who looked like she had applied every makeup product in Watsons. Her blush was brighter than a traffic stoplight, and her face was powdered so thick it seemed like she got dunked in flour. And those eyebrows? Manipis pa sa pasensya ng nanay ko.

She flashed me a smile that looked like she was trying to decide if she should eat me alive or just roast me over a slow fire. 
“Good morning, Miss Guerrero. Ready ka na ba?”

“Uh, opo! I mean, yes… yes po,” I stammered, trying to sound confident while my insides were melting.

“Okay, let’s start. Bakit gusto mo magtrabaho dito?”

Oh no, eto na. Kaya mo ‘to, Asha. I cleared my throat. “Well, I believe that working here will help me grow, and I want to contribute my—” 

She cut me off with a wave of her hand. “Okay, next! What are your strengths?”

Strengths? Does marathon reading BL fanfics count?
“I’m hardworking… and uh… I can multitask?” I said, trying to hide the fact that my version of multitasking is reading while eating snacks and watching anime. 

She raised her pencil-thin eyebrows. “Multitasking, huh? Okay. What are your weaknesses?” 

Weaknesses? There were too many to list. Where do I even start? Not being able to get out of bed before noon? Losing track of time scrolling through Wattpad?

“Uh, I overthink a lot…?” I offered, hoping she wouldn’t ask for more details.

“Hmm,” she scribbled something on her clipboard. “Next question. Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Five years? Sana nakalabas na ako sa bahay ni mama? Dinaig pa si big brother sa mga task, eh. Maybe in bed, catching up on the latest BL updates?
“I see myself in a stable career,” I said, though in my head I was imagining myself on a tropical island with Wi-Fi and unlimited snacks.

She squinted at me, clearly unconvinced. “In English, please. What makes you different from other applicants?”

English na naman?! Okay, game face on. I cleared my throat, ready to impress. “Well, I am very—” 

Before I could finish, my stomach let out a growl so loud, it could have been the intro to a death metal song. Diyos ko po… My face turned beet red. 

I laughed awkwardly. “Uh, sorry po… skipped breakfast. Diet po,” I lied through my teeth, knowing full well I had three slices of pizza at 2 AM last night.

She raised one eyebrow, almost causing it to vanish from her forehead. “Diet? Uh-huh. Let’s continue. Paano ka magha-handle ng stress?”

Stress? I’m basically a walking ball of stress! But I couldn’t say that. I had to play it cool. 
“Well, I usually take deep breaths, drink water, and... I watch K-drama or read Wattpad... kasi po, nakakarelax,” I said, trying to make it sound like a serious stress management technique.
It's BL anyway

She blinked, staring at me like I had just confessed to a crime. “K-drama? Wattpad?” she repeated slowly, as if the letters offended her. 

“Yes po! Effective siya,” I replied, nodding eagerly. “Minsan po isang buong series in one sitting. Highly recommend!” Oops… too much info.

She stared at me for what felt like an eternity, her face expressionless beneath all that powder. “Okay, Miss Guerrero, we’ll let you know if you got the job.”

I stood up, a little too fast. “Thank you po! I really appreciate it! Salamat po!” I said, practically running out the door before my stomach could betray me again.

As I walked out of the building, I sighed in relief. Nagawa ko ‘yun!

Sure, maybe I lied, and yes, my stomach almost started a concert, but at least I didn’t pass out! 
Now, let’s hope they saw me as quirky and unique… and not the girl who can’t handle an interview without her stomach stealing the spotlight.