Rhymes & Reasons

Chapter 75:

09.15.22

A letter to my almost lover,

If you will come across my unspoken words and poetries, then you will know how my heart still seeks your favor even after all these years. You will know how I wish you to speak your thoughts when you left my place back in summer. You will know how it messes up my head when I became one of the lies you utter to someone else's ears.

If you will come across my unsent messages and canceled calls, then you will know my desperate plea just to feel you again. You will know how I wanted to get a grip on your emotions as the memories of us haunted your dreams. You will know how it hurts me to see you leaving my door knowing you'll be somewhere else other than here.

If you will come across my unheard playlists and unread lyrics, then you will know how each line spoke of us in ways that I can never tell in full honesty. You will know how it breaks my heart every time I am reminded of the moments we shared back in May. You will know how the melody sounds like a lullaby but still had me crying over some wounds that didn't heal in time.

If you will come across my secret visits and unknown stalking, then you will know how many times I scroll down your timeline just to pry into your private life. You will know how I look for a glimpse of admiration from those women present in your comment section. You will know how it makes me feel when I came to realize that even a single reaction is no longer available for me.

If you will come across my daily posts and reshared memes, then you will know how my inside jokes disguise defeat. You will know how long I waited for your name to come to notice and spare me some comment. You will know how I yearn for your attention even when I know that I would just be welcomed by your absence.

If you will come across all these quotes I have kept on my phone, then you will know how I still live in the past with all my lingering what-ifs. You will know about my dreams and how I wish to never wake up. You will know how my bed feels empty by the morning knowing I could only meet you inside a dream.

If you will come across my unpublished book and never-been-heard phrases, then you will know of all my regrets and how I beg the universe to undo my mistakes. You will know how I demanded another chance and go back to places where you waited for me in patience.

You will know how I search for loopholes just so I could be in that moment again. You will know how I wish to stay as your one and only - the one who has gotten closer to your heart when no one else does.

You will know how logic leaves my brain when I was offered with vows upon my pillow. You will know how I never wanted to be right and stay as your mistress in a world filled with betrayal and lies. You will know how I never care about other people as long as you will be mine.

Now, if you will come across this unsent letter that I wrote in September, then you will know of my silent attempts of letting you know. You will know how much grief did I go through after unpacking my baggage of 'could have beens'. You will know about the love you thought was never reciprocated but it did in the end.

—georginariver