Unrivaled [On Going]

Chapter 30

"Kung totoong mahal mo 'ko at hindi ka talaga napipilitan lang sa agreement mo sa mommy ko, bakit ngayon ka lang nag propose? Hindi nga natin itinuloy ang plano na magpakasal after college since gusto kong maging doctor. Pero bakit di ka nag propose after med school or kahit no'ng bago ako umalis papuntang States?"

Nagsisimula nang tumulo ang mga luha mula sa kaniyang mga mata. Nagpatuloy pa rin siya sa paglalabas ng kaniyang saloobin.

"It took you six years to propose na para bang napipilitan ka na lang and guess what? We haven't even started a relationship. I waited Kris. I hoped that before leaving the country, you were going to stop me or at least give me a ring to let me feel your love was real. But you never did anything. And that's when I knew, you're better off without me."

"But I thought that's what you wanted. I thought letting you go for a while will make you happy."

"Kung mahal mo na 'ko mula pa no'ng una, bakit hinayaan mo 'kong masanay na mapag – isa?"

She didn't know why she bursted her emotions out. But there's too many things in her mind that all she wanted to do was make everything right, to make Kristoff free. Staring back at him, she clearly saw how his expression changed. There were some tears building in his eyes, but he was so collected he managed to not let it fall.

She knew her words struck him too, but she was also surprised because finally she was able to let her real feelings about their situation be known. She felt the need to make Kristoff realize that he doesn't love her, that all of his actions were results of his word of honour. Even if it meant she'll be alone forever, she knew she made a good point.

"Because I thought that's the right way to love you," may diin ang mga salitang binigkas ni Kristoff.

She let out a sarcastic laugh while wiping her tears.

"Really? Hinayaan mong wala ka sa buhay ko for years? Nagawa mo pa ngang makipagdate sa iba pag – alis ko. Funny how you kept telling me you love me but you never once stopped me from leaving."

"You should have asked me to stay with you."

"If you really love me, do I really have to ask it from you?" Ngumiti siya nang may hinanakit sa kaniyang boses.

"You never told me what you wanted. You always push me away, na para bang isa akong salot sa buhay mo. Hindi ko na alam ano pa ba ang gusto mo." Nararamdaman na rin niya ang hinagpis sa boses ni Kristoff. "Paulit – ulit na lang tayo Chocolate. Even how much I force you to understand what I feel for you, you'll never accept it. I thought being away will change how you feel for me, I thought you will realize that you love me but I guess that was my biggest mistake."

"The more I grew older and was being away from you, the more I realized that the only thing that made you take care of me all these years was my mother, Kris. It never meant that you wanted me in your life."

"You know that I want you Chocolate."

"But that doesn't mean you love me, to the extent of spending your whole life with me." Hindi niya alam kung bakit kahit siya ay nasaktan sa kaniyang mga nasambit na salita.

"You don't even know what love is. You don't know what I really feel." Kristoff showed a hurting smile and touched his temples. "Pagod na 'ko Eo. Suko na 'ko. Pagod na 'kong mahalin ka."

Parang dinurog ang puso niya sa mga narinig na mga salita mula kay Kristoff. Pakiramdam niya ay sinasaksak ang puso niya sa sobrang sakit. Sa unang pagkakataon ay nagsabi ito ng totoong nararamdaman sa kaniya at iyon ang hindi niya inaasahan. Mukhang ito na nga ang panahong pinakahihintay niya, ang magparaya mula sa pangako nito.

Ngunit hindi niya lubos maisip na ganito pala kasakit ang mararamdaman niya. Hindi tuloy niya napansin na dumilim ang kalangitan at nagsisimula nang bumuhos ang malalaking butil ng ulan. Ang ibang mga turista ay mabilis na nagtatatakbo upang hindi maabutan ng malakas na pagbagsak ng ulan. Subalit nakatayo lamang silang dalawa ni Kristoff na para bang hindi nila batid ito.

"I know and you don't have to make excuses anymore. I know mommy will understand. Pinapalaya na kita. You have a life to live Kris. And it doesn't have to be with me." Sa kabila ng kaniyang pag – iyak ay nasasambit pa niya ang mga salitang ito. "You're finally free from the promise you made with mommy. You can finally do whatever you wanted in life, you can marry someone better than me, someone more worthy. Deserve mong maging masaya Kris. Sana sa pagpaparaya ko, mahanap mo na ang totoong kaligayahan mo."

Nakatitigan muna ng mga mata niya ang malungkot na hitsura ng lalaki bago siya tumalikod at mabilis na naglakad pabalik sa lugar kung saan naghihintay ang kanilang sasakyan. Nababasa na ang kaniyang suot na damit pati na ang kaniyang mukha dahil lumakas pang lalo ang ulan.

Patuloy ang pagluha ng kaniyang mga mata na para bang alam talaga nito ang nararamdaman ng puso niya. Mabuti na lamang at natatago niya ang mga luha dahil sa ulan. She felt her heart crumbled into pieces. It was a pain she have never felt before but it made her whole being suffer.

She was only holding a thin thread from Kristoff, hoping that maybe it was possible that he really loved her. But the moment she heard him say he was giving up, it was a proof that his love wasn't as deep as she thought or maybe it wasn't even real in the first place.

Kristoff finally realized that pursuing her would be a waste of his life. Tama na ang ilang taong paghihintay nito. Dapat na itong mabuhay na malaya at walang ibang iniisip kundi ang sarili nitong kaligayahan. He was taking care of her all his life. And the only thing she can do to pay for his kindness towards her was letting him go from that stupid vow he made with her mother.

The bleak rain was pouring heavily like it was also grieving for her. She didn't expect that his proposal would turn out like this. Oreo looked at the ring again. She thought she should have given it back to him, but she could never turn to him now with all the hurt showing all over her face. She needed to show him she's strong enough to let him go. She had to be strong because she will never have anyone but herself.

But God, why does it have to hurt like hell? This is what I wanted for him...pero bakit hindi ko mapigilan umiyak at masaktan? 

***

Nasaktan ka ba sa chapter na ito? Matapos ang isang magandang proposal, ito ang napala ni Kristoff. Bakit naman kasi ayaw maniwala ni Oreo, noh?

Hays... What do you think will happen now?

Love & Light,

BC