The Truth Embarks a New Beginning

"That's All I Am"

When I first met you, I never thought you would become my everything. 

In between pints, risky makeout sessions, and empathetic conversations, you became my world. 

And as quickly as you came into my life, I became a memory in yours. 

You always told me I was imagining you pulling away. 

It took months of being by your side with benefits you would reap whenever you felt like it for you to tell me we were destined to fail regardless of my actions. 

And while I was only in your life for two years, you have always been in mine. 

You let me love you, knowing I would only get hurt. 

You fed my "delusions" with your actions while letting your sharp, comforting words drown me. 

If you never believed in us, then why did you tell me we would make it? 

Why did you paint a beautiful future for us, knowing you'd burn me along with it?

When I met you again, I never thought you would kill the last living part of me. 

Yesterday, in between pints, risky makeout sessions, and loving conversations, you finally broke me.

And as quickly as hope flooded in, my expectations sorrowfully drifted away. 

You told me you were willing to try again after months of using me.

It took a simple conversation in between cigarettes, beer, and sex for you to finally tell me all I was to you was a good fuck and a way to relieve tension. 

And while I loved you every single day, you were counting down the days until you met my replacement. 

You let me love you and believe you still loved me. 

You fed me hope by telling me what I wanted to hear, only to turn me into a cheap whore. 

If you used to love me, then how could you hurt me like this? 

Why do you restart this vicious cycle when you know it is killing me? 

As I'm writing this poem, I don't know what to think. 

After two years of knowing you, I have to tell myself that I am not just a toy to you. 

And as quickly as I fell in love with you over and over and over again, my hatred for myself grew even more. 

You made me feel cheap and tore at my every insecurities after years of telling me I was beautiful. 

It took months of being told you missed me and wanted me, for you to finally show me I am nothing more than a way to pass the time.

And while I have lost every ounce of dignity, I still love you and will never paint you the villain. 

I don't know if you still love me or ever did. 

I don't know how you could have loved me and still treat me the way you did, the way you always do. 

If I love you then why can't I let you move on?

Why do I still live blindly in hope when all I am to you is another whore.