The Truth Embarks a New Beginning

"Addicted"

When we were dating, I was convinced that you healed me.

I felt a sort of happiness I never felt when I was alone.

I thought you fixed me.

Looking back, I was foolish.

I was foolish to think that the bandaid you covered my depression with, was going to stop the infection from spreading through my body.

You only healed the wounds I had on the outside.

I never saw that the more I was with you, the more dependent I became on your daily game of medical Russian roulette.

And, instead of going "cold turkey", I kept taking my chances until it was too late.

I don't blame you.

I doubt you knew the effect you had on me or my mind.

What I perceived as love was merely a growing addiction to your pain killers.

The euphoric feeling you gave me was a facade my very own brand of heroin put on.

You treated my symptoms but never the underlying disease.

And like any addiction, I want your anesthesia even more, now that I know you're gone.

So, based on all previous statements, you were never my doctor, and I never your patient.

And yet we pretended day after day that you could nurse me back to health.

So, yes, looking back, I was foolish.

I was foolish to think that the road you traveled led to my heart rather than my chest.

I was foolish to think that the hand I held would be the same hand I would continue holding on my deathbed.

I was foolish to think that your affection was anything more than sympathy.

But most of all, I was foolish to believe that the addiction I mistook for love, was anything more than a mistake.