Brassic (on hold)

Episode two - P2

"He must've done something wrong. You don't send people to collect people unless they don't wanna come." Dylan said to them, as they drove towards the address to pick up Tony Tillerton.

"Maybe he doesn't drive." Lottie said from here seat in between Vinnie and Dylan.

"Fucking tell him to get the train." Dylan said back.

"What if there's not a train line where he bloody lives?" Vinnie said an excuse.

"A fucking bus, then!" Dylan said annoyed, nervous about who their picking up.

"Look, I don't know! He's asked us to collect him so I have to fucking..." Vinnie stopped when he saw what Ash was doing in the rear view mirror. "What's going on down there?" Vinnie asked Ash.

"I think I've got an infestation." Ash said as he was scratching around his penis.

"An infestation? Who've you been shagging?" Vinnie asked him.

"Met this fella online. Randolf. He was kind of dirty." Ash told them.

"What dirty or, like, dirty dirty?" JJ asked him for clarification as he moved further away from Ashley.

"No, not dirty dirty, just like...actually dirty." Ash told them.

"Lovely. What website you using?" Vinnie questioned.

"Shagaskank.com." Dylan joked.

"The sex was amazing, destroyed him. Lovely little arsehole. But ever since I've got fierce itchy pubes there now. Have yous any advice on that?" Ash told them as Lottie shook her head.

"I do, actually, yeah. Don't have sex with dirty men called Randolf." Vinnie stated obviously.

"And I've told you a million times not to use that website. Look at what happened last time." Lottie scolded him like a disappointed mother.

"Your gonna need to shave. I'm Googling it, but I'm sure you've got genital
lice." JJ said to Ash as he pulled his phone out.

"Fuck. What?" Ash asked concerned.

"Could be a yeast infection." Dylan suggested.

"Or scabies." Vinnie said.

"Crabs even." Lottie added in.

"Extra-mammary Paget's disease." Dylan suggested again.

"Could be." Vinnie said in agreement.

"Cheers, lads. Thanks very much for making me feel better!" Ash said to them all sarcastically. "That's nota thing, is it?" Ash asked when JJ showed him his phone.

"Right, here we are. Avondale." Vinnie said when they saw the sign to the town where Tony Tillerton lives.

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"Christ. It's a thatched roof. Hardly screams axe-wielding maniac, does it?" Vinnie said as their pulled up to the address.

"Hey, he's got peacocks." JJ said as he lent forward over Lottie to see.

"Oh, my God, psychopaths like animals. Jeffrey Dahmer had cats." Dylan said to them.

"Yeah, and he also impaled dogs' heads on sticks. Let's just keep our wits about us." Vinnie said to them before they got out the van. "Any aggro, we jump him." Vinnie told them as they walked towards the front door, holding Lottie's hand in the process.

"Hello, peeps! Fresh scones, straight from the oven. Go lovely with a cup of tea." An older man said cheerfully as the came out of the house to greet them, leaving the group to look to each other confused.