Brassic (on hold)

Episode three - P4

Lottie, Vinnie, Tommo, Jim, Cardi and Mr Bates were in Jim's guest bedroom where the drawers were being kept.

"Fuck sake, dude. You've been told a load of crap. There's no fucking map here, man." Vinnie said to Mr Bates after they had looked at the drawers thoroughly.

"It must be! It has to be! All our evidence suggests... Try those legs!" Mr Bates said adamantly.

"I've tried the legs." Jim told the other man.

"Well, twist them! Press them!" Mr Bates said leaning down to try himself.

"I've tried!" Jim said annoyed.

"It's concealed! It has to be here somewhere!" Mr Bates said frustratedly.

"No! There's nothing!" Tommo said smoking a cigarette.

"Looks like your story was apocalyptic after all." Cardi said mispronouncing the word as he lied on the bed eating a cupcake.

"Hey, hang about. That line... See it?" Jim said as he sat up looking at the side of the drawers. "It's not the same colour as the rest of the wood. That's not a flush join." Jim told them as they all gathered round the drawers.

"He's right. What about..." Mr Bates said as he pulled out a pocketknife. "Give it a little..." Mr Bates said as he pushed the knife in between the join.

"Oh, fuck. No way. No fucking way, man." Vinnie said when Mr Bates pulled out a small drawer.

"Call me a genius. I might be a simple farmer, but I'm an Englishman...with an Englishman's heart." Jim said beginning to go on about being English.

"Jim, Jim, Jim! Shut the fuck up!" Vinnie said as he took the piece of paper that was in the hidden drawer.

"That's a fucking map!" Lottie said excitedly as she looked over Vinnie shoulder, leading the others to cheer happily and Vinnie to kiss Lottie ecstatic over the find.

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"No, no, no, no, no... This is our plan, and you boys just stumbled upon it." Mr Bates said as the whole group was in Jim's kitchen celebrating.

"Yeah, well, that might be the case, but we're professional thieves...ish." Vinnie said as he hugged Lottie to his chest who was rolling a joint for him. "You know... And you lot are fucking useless." Vinnie said to the older group.

"Hardly! We got the drawers, didn't we?" One of the other men said.

"Yeah yeah, you did. And then we nicked 'em off you. And you knocked over a fucking chim-nea, robbing the wrong..." Vinnie told them.

"Sh-imin-ea." Mr Bates corrected Vinnie on his pronunciation.

"Chim-in-ay-er, robbing the wrong house. And then you got your fucking car stuck in a ditch." Vinnie said mockingly to them.

"He's got a point." Mr Bates said to the other man quietly.

"And if you rob that stately home, you're all gonna get caught and ain't no one's finding shit. So, here's what I propose. Now, I'd say nine out of ten of our jobs go..." Vinnie began to say.

"Seven, if you're lucky." Jim chimed in saying.

"Seven out of ten of our jobs..." Vinnie corrected.

"Six-and-a-half, innit, really." Tommo then said which made Lottie giggle quietly.

"Well six. Six out of ten of our jobs go relatively well. And up till now, none of yours have. All right?" Vinnie told them. "So, you either say yeah, and potentially come away with a bit of loot here, or you say no, I tell Terence McCann all your names, we let the fucking cards fall where they may, what you saying?" Vinnie told them his side of the bargain before resting his head on top of Lottie's.