Just a waste!

10

Hanni sat on Minji's lap.

Trying so hard to avoid Minji's soft gaze. She felt embarrassed. Maybe just a bit shy for having Minji here again after so long. A week was seven lifetimes to Hanni.

"Are you okay?" Was the first thing Minji said. Hanni shrugged, not knowing what to truly say. Knowing that Danielle was the one to send Minji over, she didn't want to worry Minji. "Give me honesty, Hanni." Minji said as she cupped Hanni's cheeks softly.

Hanni's eyes widened at the touch.

"It's been hard for me too, Hanni. I didn't want this for us. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just thought I was doing the right thing finally." Minji said and Hanni slumped her shoulders as she let her head fall against Minji's chest. She was just so small in her hold.

But Minji forced her to look at her. Minji's eyes were speaking to her and she felt her heart squeeze at still being able to see through Minji and understand her just through her eyes.

"I just don't know how to stay away from you, Hanni." Minji said honestly as she pressed their forehead together. "I shouldn't crave you the way I do." Hanni's breath hitched as Minji kissed her cheek softly. "I keep thinking of you, but you don't want me, Hanni." Minji said as she pulled Hanni away once more.

"It's torture, Hanni. This whole week I've cried myself to sleep just wishing I hadn't said what I said. But I needed to, you're what...I want and I can't have." Minji was being a little too honest and this was all scaring Hanni.

"Minji, please don't continue." Hanni said but Minji shook her head. "Listen to me, I need to say what I've been holding in." Hanni shut her eyes at feeling Minji's forehead pressed against her own.

The familiarity was what was scaring her. Her heart now pounding against her chest. The intimacy of the action had her breath shaky.

"After that night, it shifted something inside of me, Hanni. I only promised you all of those things because that's what you wanted and I didn't want us to end on bad terms. But Hanni..." The pause let Hanni know exactly what Minji was going to say.

"I still feel something for you." And that's it.

Hanni grabbed Minji's face and kissed her. "Stop it, I've tried to forget you with so much passion but I can't." Hanni said through the kisses she kept giving Minji.

"I hated that I still wanted you to tease the fuck out of me. I hated that I still wanted you to talk to me and be in my life." Hanni said this as she fully settled herself on Minji's lap, still kissing her with a passion she hasn't felt in a long time.

"I wanted you to keep those promises just because I knew I'd be at my knees for you again if you didn't. But the more I did keep them, it kept me sane, I couldn't break." Hanni said, Minji's arms wrapping around her waist.

"It scares me Minji, I can't do this again. You didn't want to see how much it hurt me to see all of those girls over you. I just wanted a moment where I'd be the only girl to look at you." Hanni said, finally opening up a bit.

"I didn't care if I was the only one you looked at, I just wanted all of the crowds to go away. To have all of the girls in the school to leave us alone for once." Minji looked at Hanni with the softest eyes ever. "I didn't break up with you because of them, I broke up with you because I needed a moment to catch my breath and I thought it was best for us just to never get back together." Minji ran her hands up Hanni's back.

"I wanted for us to have a moment that was just hours, where no one was there to give their opinion. I just wanted it to be us." Hanni said with slight tears in her eyes.

"I never wanted for us to break up, so to make myself feel better about breaking your heart. I punished myself by making all of those promises." Hanni said as she looked at Minji with such sad eyes. "I only agreed to those because it's what you wanted. I never wanted any of that, Hanni. I didn't want to be away from you, I didn't want to forget you, and much less did I want to leave you alone." Minji said, pulling Hanni closer.

"I understood, Hanni. But it was our senior year. Just two months. And then we would've been at peace. But then you broke my heart once more by being with Soobin. Hanni, why? Did you still love me then?" Minji asked and Hanni nodded.

"I myself don't know why I tried to spite you by being with him. I didn't even feel anything. I don't know." Minji brought Hanni into a hug. "I really loved you, Hanni. My heart didn't understand why you would do that to me." Minji was the one tearing up as it was now Hanni's turn to comfort the tall bear.

"And I just couldn't seem to hate you for it, it only fueled me to bother you even more. Going to the same college wasn't in my book, but I took it as my chance to get back at you. I just didn't know how so I opted to making your college life hell. It clearly didn't work." Hanni let out a soft chuckle as she hugged Minji tightly.

"It was all just a damn waste, Hanni. We could've been together until now. Do you still feel something for me too?" And the question made Hanni freeze, she just kissed Minji, but what did she feel? "I don't know." Hanni's honesty took Minji a step back.

"You just kissed me? And everything you said sounded like you did." Minji said and Hanni let out a sigh. Hanni's thoughts weren't settling in. She feels all over the place and that wasn't good at all. She's confusing Minji as well.

"Hanni?" Minji's voice was much more softer and it tore Hanni apart. She just didn't know what to say. She had a pride, a bigger one than Minji ever did. And she said she'd never go back to her ex.

"I don't know, Minji. I just—I don't want to go back—I don't think it's right." Minji furrowed her eyebrows and Hanni knew that Danielle would've smacked the back of her head by now, or even worse. Thrown her off a cliff.

"Minji, even if I did. I don't think I want to get back with you. I don't want a relationship right now at all, I need to focus on my studies." And Minji could feel her heart deflating like a ballon. What the actual heck is wrong with Hanni?

"But—Hanni, I don't understand." Minji said and Hanni let out a sigh as she got off Minji and sat down in her bed. "I appreciate that you came over, but I think you should go." And here's Hanni closing again.

"Hanni, why can't we try it again?" Hanni looked the other way and refused to answer Minji's question. Minji blinked twice before she stood up. "I give up, Hanni. I wanted to make things right but I guess I can't even try doing that. And you can't even try to out the effort with us being friends. I don't get it, Hanni. You spoke to me as if you still felt the same and now you tell me you don't?" Hanni turned to look at Minji.

"Minji, please just go. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

And Minji frowned, she was frustrated. "Whatever, Hanni. Feel better I guess." And with that Minji stormed out of Hanni's room.

Not again.

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