All or Nothing

On to Busan

'Dear Chan.

All the things I could say I can't so I'll write them. Firstly. I understand. Your job. All you had to do for the sake of keeping those you care about safe. Like me. At first I thought it was all too good to be true because you didn't like me and was just pretending or something. But that wasn't the case was it? You really do care about me and love me. I love you too. It's disappointing for you to hear but I'm with somebody else now. He's not you though no one can ever be but he cares for me too. I'm sorry I didn't wait like I said I would but I didn't know how long it'll be until I see you again. I've been told to move on repeatedly so eventually I did. I hope you can forgive me. I forgive you.'

Chan closes the journal after reading.
"You know you could've said it right?"
"I...really couldn't.."

"Well I'm happy either way. Thank you."
"You're not..mad?"
"Why would I be?"

"Cause I'm-", he doesn't finish his sentence and looks down.
"It's ok. Really. I don't blame you finding someone else. I'm glad you did."

"You are?"

"Sure. After all you're happy with him right? That's all I need. And sorry for making you upset with me."

Jeongin gives him a hug and secretly wishes that he can be hold by him forever. His rings from Beomgyu calling him so he answers.

"Hi, Gyu."
"Jeongin, merry Christmas! I hope you're having a great time."

"Uhh I guess you can say that. How's your Christmas going?"
"Awesome but I have something to tell you."

As Jeongin listens Chan noticed his face dropping and wonders what they're talking about. The younger slowly lowers the phone away from his ear then hangs up on Beomgyu. He takes his journal before ripping out the pages he wrote about him. There weren't a lot.

"Jeongin?"

"Fuck! This is the w-worst Christmas of my damn pathetic l-life!!" He storms out the room and downstairs.

As he stomps to the front door he gets everyone's attention, his friends looking concerned.

"Jeon, wait!", Chan goes after him.
"Chan? What happened?", asked Seungmin.

"I don't know. He was on the phone with someone then got upset. I'll go after him.", he runs out.

"Could it have been...Beomgyu?", Jisung asks.

"What's wrong with uncle Innie, daddy?", Haejin asks Minho.
"I don't know, sweetie."

Jeongin didn't know where he was going. He just stomped in the three inch snow, still furious of what he has been told by Beomgyu. He hears Chan calling him from behind but ignored him.

"Jeongin, stop.", he grabs his hand but the younger snatched it away.
"No you stop! Wh-why are fol-following me?"

"What happened? Who was that?"
Jeongin scoffs and continues walking away.

"I'm not leaving till you tell me. No. I'm not leaving you at all. Not again."

The younger pulls out his phone to get call a cab. Several minutes later it shows up then he opens the door.

"Where are you going?"
"To..p-pay a visit."
"I'm coming with you. You shouldn't be alone."

Jeongin wanted to protest but there'll be no point so he just sighs and lets the older come. The cab takes them to the train station where they rode a train to Busan. It was a long way and the younger falls asleep with his head resting on Chan's broad yet comforting shoulder. Hours later they arrived at the Busan train station during sundown and while on their way towards the exit Jeongin calls for a taxi.

"Shouldn't we tell your friends where we are? They're probably worried."
"You can."

Jeongin was too upset and didn't feel like talking to anyone right now so the older gives Seungmin a call. Chan explains what they're doing though he didn't know where the younger was going and why they were in Busan.

"Oh no. It was Beomgyu on the phone.", Seungmin told Jisung and Felix. "They're in Busan."

"What?!", they both said.
"Can you pass the phone to him, Chan?"
"Uhh..I think he doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"He's going to see his boyfriend. He must be really angry about something to make the trip. Please watch him and don't let him drink."

"Ok I'll keep an eye on him. The taxi is here. Gotta go bye.", he hangs up.

Fifteen more minutes till the taxi reaches a house but before Jeongin gets out Chan grabs his hand.

"Jeongin, think about this. If you go up there angry, you'll make it worse."
"I can't feel any w-worse than this."

The younger removes his hand from the grip and walks up to the front door then frequently rings the doorbell. The door swings open, revealing one of Beomgyu's friends.

"Where i-is he?"
"In the backyard."

Jeongin makes his way through towards the back with Chan following still. Beomgyu was sitting by the campfire with friends, laughing and making s'mores. It suddenly went quiet when Jeongin showed up.

"Jeon-", Beomgyu starts.
"We need to talk. Now."