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Jennie's diary pt1
Dear diary,
It's been a while hasn't it? But this is the first time in a while I've had to myself. Just me, you and my thoughts. I've had things weighing on my shoulder and who other to tell this to but you. So as you know I've been through my fair trial of men and as you also know they've all come to a tragic end. You must be wondering how I went from the happiest girl on top of the world from the last time we talking to...well this.I'd given up on relationships, was focusing on my career I was finally feeling like me. You must be wondering where I've been, why I've been gone for so long. Well...diary id been stolen from you. You had been replaced with a living breathing diary, my best friend, my person, my boyfriend or now ex. Who? I'm sure you're questioning, because I've never written his name in you before. This last relationship left a dent larger than my past ones did, this relationship I had actually held out hope. Believed that sooner than I would have known I'd be a married women, house full of kids. This was the first time I've ever thought of the future, and o so quickly! Maybe it came with age or maturity but life with him felt so perfect all the delusional things I thought of didn't even seem deluded. We were perfect until we weren't. Because I self destructed and ruined it.
ᡣ𐭩 Kim Taehyung ᡣ𐭩 Yup that's him, the same Kim Taehyung I've known for years on years nothing more than friends that usually only met up by coincidence. Anyways, funny enough the first time things took a turning for our relationships was when we ended up at the same event an event held by both our mutuals. We had talked and I found out just how deep Taehyung could get, there was this air around him. He needed fixing and I was drawn in willing to fix him. Kim Taehyung is complex, kinda like rubric cube and it was in my nature to try my hardest until I got it right and so that's what I did. We texted more and messages turned into calls that turned into FaceTimes. Being friends with Taehyung had been one of the best things I did, he was encouraging, truthful funny, smart and of course handsome.
I was always excited to see his name flash across my phone, excited to tell him about my day. By the end of the nights my stomach would burn from laughing and his face would be red. One night, we fell asleep on the phone. I fell asleep to the soft lul of his voice, after I asked him to sing sweet night to me as a joke but it put me straight to sleep. Falling asleep on the phone was the new turn in our relationship. Rookie idols had soon become aware of the little rumor that Jennie of blackpink and bts Kim Taehyung were really "close" friends. Soon closer idols groups started asking me questions, DM'ing me or messaging my phone asking if it was real. We were just friends, close friends so I approved the rumors that we were friends. I didn't see anything wrong with it. But then other rumors started to spread and Taehyung would text me about people I had previously talked to before calling his phone or texting him trying to get the drama of the situation. Taehyung was smart though and never fed into it.
Then diary, he organized a trip for us. A trip to Jeju Island. In the comfort of his car he told me this was a date. I had laughed at him because I thought he was just being silly. Being him. But once he parked the car at the reserves he reached out placed his palm against my cheek. The summer sun couldn't compare to how hot I had gotten. I remember thinking it was so much fun! We seen birds and sheep's, took picture on a tripod and when we got back to the house there just for the two of us, That's when it got real, this was when I realized Taehyung was trying to show me I was who he wanted. But I knew something was coming an impending feeling of doom.
Of course I was right, a few weeks after the trip some random had posted a picture of us in the car. When Rosie had sent it in the groupchat my stomach had hit the floor. A slew of messages from the company kept coming and calls with different names flashed across my phone. I cried as I stared at the phone, I couldn't believe I was going through a dating scandal again. but then like as if on cue like he knew something was wrong, I heard a knock on my door. It was him standing there blonde hair wet from the rain that was pouring down outside, his jacket and pants soaked. From all the crying I was sure my face was a puffy mess and I was so embarrassed. Before he asked me anything he threw himself at me, and held me so tight I remember thinking my heart could jump out right into his chest. He held me that whole night. I will never forget what he said to me that night, he whispered to me as we fell asleep. "I'll protect you with everything I've got Jennie."
I didn't realize the extent of that promise, all the way to this day even when we aren't together. Dispatch wasn't allowed to release anything revolving around any of the bts members and this was the first time I'd ever felt safe and protected. Being Taehyungs girlfriend I couldn't be messed with. So we kept meeting up at his apartment or mine, we went on dates wore matching shirts, he gifted me a couple necklace and then I went out and got us matching gold bracelets. This, this was were I felt at the peak. I was starting to feel happy again, and trusted the person I was dating. He would never, ever do anything to hurt me. But just like before it felt like the calm before a storm.
Pictures...pictures after pictures were beginning to get leaked and once again it felt like the floor was being snatched beneath me. The jeju trip, our matching shirts our dates everything was coming out. I hoped for once my company would put their foot down, but I should have known when they failed to protect me with that announcement about Taehyung and i relationship that it wasn't gonna happen. Once again, Taehyung saved me from the malicious hands of the people around me people who called themselves "fans" people from my side and people from his side attacking each other online. Some calling the pictures fake and edited. Something I actually wished everyone believed. Because in-fact those pictures were real, and they were sitting there in my phone. I've never felt that violated in my life, someone could get into my phone and leak pictures. But just like Taehyung had promised, he was gonna protect me no matter what. His company put out a statement claiming they were going to sue whoever was putting out the pictures and if anyone decided to release more they would be sued as well.
That was one of my lowest lows, I felt like I couldn't trust anybody. I felt watched, I felt like my life just wasn't my own. And worse of all, Taehyung had such a busy schedule recently that we barely were able to call or talk. We finally planned to see each other in Paris, that was the one time our schedule would overlap. I was so excited that day, to see my boyfriend and finally hold him feel him.
