Toxic | Hyunlix

I.

-"Take this bag and leave"
Right after I left his mansion, tears were dripping down my face and walked down the street. My head was full with thoughts but still felt empty. LA was such an unexpected city, something terrible might happen in seconds. Life here felt heavy and calming at the same time, it gives me too many mixed feelings.
Before he paint me in black, I had pastel colours in my existence and couldn't stop spreading them. My favourite pastel colour was sunny yellow, which was joy, and I loved giving this pastel colour to other people to draw on their white pages. Since his white page was empty, I gave him a piece of my pastel to colour it, it seemed like it wasn't enough for him to fill it. Sadly, I ended up giving him all my pastel colours and in return he gave me a pitch black pencil. With it, I started covering all the pastel colours in my page until they're gone. It took me long to realise I don't have pastel colours anymore, but when I looked at the black paper I knew that there's not a way of going back now. Even if I found pastel colours to fix it or even intense markers to paint on that pitch black view, nothing would change and still stay the same.
And this isn't about no pastel colours, papers and markers it's about him ruining my life, cover me in toxicity, my pastel colours were my happy past life, and the black pencil he gave me represented his heartless decision to destroy me in pieces, and how nobody can replace him as well. I am in his veins, I he still can't swallow his ego and coldness.
Years after that, I earned a lot of fame. My name is known here and there, since I became a model in Paris. It was my dream to work with fashion ever since I was a kid. Companies such as Chanel, Dior, Fendi and more, invite me to their runways, and also to be part of them. The woman that built my career was Frederica Johnson, known as miss Johnson. I met her at a Vogue fashion week a year ago. We had a lot of similar topics to talk about and we were also such a good work partners. I feel her like my best friend even though she's almost fifty. She was a really independent, coquette woman, with passion and determination towards fashion. It was the world to her, for me also and I thank God I met her, because she built all of this.
-"Come on, Gigi prepare the clothes and also light some vanilla candles, you know our magical place has some special vanilla themed objects, why not make it smell like vanilla too, huh?"
-"Of course miss Johnson."
-"Oh, and also, place some vogue magazines under and on top the table over there"
-"Got that."
-"And also, turn on that gold lamp right there."
She pointed with her red, deep coloured nails.
-"Understand"
***
I had a meeting today with miss Johnson and I am really excited, because we are going to talk about my next runway in one week. I have to walk for Versace and it was a really serious brand. Miss Johnson was an expert there. Versace was her favourite brand. Her and Donatella Versace herself are old friends. When I read the invitation sent with red roses from Versace, I got scared. This will be my first time ever walking for Versace and miss Johnson is gonna show me examples of their clothes and what specific things Versace models do. She knew that I was gonna be nervous for this runway, because it will be my first time spending time with Versace workers, so she made sure I give the best of me. I can feel that miss Johnson is a person that can support me in any form of life, not only fashion. I put on a brown fur coat and a cool tone brown scarf around my neck and I was heading to their atelier. I quickly went to a mini flower shop near the atelier and I brought her Acacias, since they were her favourite flowers. I feel this woman like my mother, and I think I have the right to greet her with something she loves.
-"Merci, boucoup" I took the fresh packed flowers and smelled them. I smiled and knew why she liked those, they smelled heavenly. I took some pictures and posted them on my story. Lastly I went for a croissant in the bakery right next to the flower shop, because I was starving. I already sense that this runway will be different. In a good and stressing way also.
***
-"Bonjour, miss" I entered the atelier with smile, while I caught miss Johnson making that joyful face expression every time she sees me.
-"Oh, Bonjour Felix!" She said with a tone filled with excitement. I went to hug her and she laughed. We do not speak French, even though I am fluent in it.
-"Oh we got Versace soon, huh??" She mentioned again with such a positive energy. Her positivity gave me motivation to be confident and not be scared of what's to come.
-"Oui, oui, and I'm also very scared" I sighed with a smile.
-"Oh, it's okay baby, it's fashion" she said with a passionate tone again. -"You got this. Do you know, I know everything about Versace and you will succeed in this, huh? Everybody will talk about you after this runway."
-"Miss, you give me such a motivation, thank God I brought you Acacias, because you totally deserve them."
-"Thank you, baby, and also your outfit today is fabulous."
-"Oh, merci, merci" I smiled.
-"The fur coat?" She winked at me.
-"Oh, Miu Miu" I said proudly.
-"Fantastic!" She complimented.
***
Miss Johnson showed me a couple of examples she had of Versace and explained to he how they walk and act in the runway. I practiced every step and thing she said to me. I spent three hours there practicing and taking notes of what exactly to do and how to feel. Because it's the end of fall, the pieces I'm gonna wear on the runway are for winter. I am so excited to see and mostly wear this new collection and also meet a lot more new people. I have never been this much excited for a runway. I still can't believe I'm gonna be part of this and I give all thanks to Versace for having me in this.
After I took all the notes for miss Johnson, I greeted her and left the atelier. I haven't eaten anything in three hours and my stomach was hurting so bad. I know I couldn't get home before I eat something out. I sat on a bench one meter next to the atelier and called my friend Georgina. She picked up the phone and accepted to my idea to go in a restaurant.
While I waited for her to come I got out a back of thin cigarettes from my bag and I light one.  He made me addicted to cigarettes.