"to burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."
- Federico García Lorca
Staying out of trouble is not Frank Castle's strong suit. But is Jenavieve Howlett more trouble than The Punisher can handle...
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"you made me feel again." - Blue Blood, LAUREL
╳
Frank doesn't take long to fall back asleep. But he also doesn't take long to become restless.
His breathing becomes heavier as he starts to wriggle and writhe. I sit forward, hands gripping the side-rails of his bed.
Frank wakes with a start, and I shoot forward out of my seat, hands on his shoulders to stop his thrashing.
"Shhh, it's okay." I soothe.
"God damn.." he mumbles between shaky breaths. My hands move down to hold onto his as I sit back down. "Just dreams, always the goddamn same." he says, chest heaving. "Christ.."
His hand grips mine tight, and doesn't loosen until his breathing evens out again. I rub my thumb soothingly over the back of Frank's hand, and he drops his gaze to the tender touch for a moment.
His shifty eyes appear distant, and when they finally lock onto mine, I see all the desperation and hurt swirling within.
"Maria and the kids.." he breathes. "They're there, but I can't reach them, you know? I.. I can't tell them that the monster's comin'.."
I nod in understanding, tenderly stroking his forearm.
"The day they died.. I told Maria that I was done. That I wasn't going back.." he continues. "I'd just got home the night before. When I woke up, I saw her face, and it just came at me. The second it did, I knew. It was right. It was like this.. this weight got lifted off my shoulders, you know? For both of us. She knew it was right. The kids, too." His eyes are red and watery, and his voice is low as he keeps his sob a strangled lump in his throat. "I was just ready, you know? It was time. I just.." he huffs out a deep exhale. "I wanted to be with them."
I give him a sad smile and nod, tightening my grip on his hand, as my eyes brim with bittersweet tears. Because I truly love when he speaks of his family, but his words are tearing my heart out. All he wanted was to be with them, and they were ripped from his life. Just hearing it is excruciating, I can't imagine living it.
"But that day, we went to that park, and the kids were too old for that stupid carousel, but that day they just laughed. They were laughin'. We were all laughin' like idiots." The smallest of smiles tickles the corners of his mouth at the memory, but it's quick to disappear as tears roll down his face. "That laughter, it stuck with me, you know? After I lost them, it would just.. it would echo. Over and over. And it wasn't just in my dreams. It was like.. it was in my heart. And I just.. I wanted to hold onto it. I wanted to live in it and just hear that laughter.."
He brings his eyes back to mine and all I see is pain.
"But.. thing is, I can't hear it anymore. It's all I had, and it's gone.. It's gone." he says, the last words coming out light as a breath. His eyes glaze over. "Now all I have is the looks on their faces after the bullets ripped through their bodies."
