Shades of Desire

Ethan

I'm such an idiot. I lost it back there. When Ivy told me she spent the night with him, something inside me snapped. I didn't mean to hit him. I just couldn't handle it. But now, sitting alone in my dorm room, the weight of what I did is crushing me. I shouldn't have gone to his place and thrown punches. It wasn't like me.

I need to talk to Ivy. I want to tell her it's okay, that maybe it was a mistake on her part. I can't even think about living without her.

I grabbed my keys and headed for her dorm, my heart racing. Please let her be there. I need to see her, to make sense of all this. Maybe she'd realize what a mistake she made and come back to me.

When I got to her place, Mia opened the door, looking hesitant.

"Hey, Ethan," she said, her voice cautious.

"Where's Ivy?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

Mia looked uncomfortable. "Uh, she's not here. She went to Jace's."

My heart dropped. Of course, she'd go to him. He's the one who spent the night with her. I could feel the pit in my stomach grow as I tried to keep my composure.

"Is she... okay?" I asked, even though I knew deep down it wasn't good.

Mia hesitated again. "I think she's just confused. You know how it is."

Confused? That's putting it lightly. I turned away, my heart heavy.

I trudged back to my dorm, each step feeling like a lead weight. Once inside, I locked the door and collapsed onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. Why wasn't I enough for her? What did Jace have that I didn't?

Self-doubt wrapped around me like a dark cloud, squeezing my chest. Was it my fault? Did I push her away by wanting her too much? I shut my eyes, trying to block out the thoughts swirling in my mind.

Memories of Ivy flooded back—her laughter, how her eyes sparkled when she smiled, how alive she made me feel. But now, it all felt so distant, overshadowed by the fear of losing her.

"I can't do this," I muttered to myself, feeling completely defeated. I wanted to scream, to cry, to shake some sense into the universe, but all I could do was sit there, trapped in my thoughts, wondering if I'd ever find my way back to her.