Shades of Desire

Ivy

I lay there beside Jace, feeling his arm resting over me like usual. His hands had just been all over me, and I couldn't deny how much I loved that. His touch, the way he makes me feel—it's always so intense. But tonight... my mind's somewhere else. Jess's question from earlier keeps playing over and over in my head.

"Is that all you guys do? Just... physical stuff?"

I laughed it off at the time, but now, I can't help but wonder. Is that all Jace and I have? Just this? I roll over and watch him as he lies there, eyes closed like everything's perfect. But it doesn't feel perfect anymore. With Ethan, things were... different. He took me out. He wanted to get to know me, actually spend time with me outside of the bedroom. And now here I am with Jace, and it's always just... this.

I sigh, debating whether I should even say something. I need to know if there's more to us, or if I'm just kidding myself.

"Jace," I say softly, hoping not to ruin the mood. He hums, pulling me closer, expecting more.

I pull back a little. "Can we talk for a second?"

He opens one eye, looking at me like I'm disturbing his peace. "What's up?"

I hesitate, but then just spit it out. "Do you think... I mean, is this all we do? Like... the physical stuff?"

He frowns, clearly not getting what I mean. "What do you mean? You're not happy?"

"No, it's not that... it's just... we haven't done anything else. Like, you know, go out or just hang out. It's always... this." I motion between us, feeling a little silly even bringing it up.

He sits up, rubbing his face like I've just confused him. "Ivy, I'm not really into that whole 'date' thing. I thought you were cool with this."

I bite my lip, feeling like I'm asking for too much. "I am, but... I don't know. Sometimes I just want to feel like there's more to us."

He looks at me, a little annoyed now. "If you wanted the whole romantic thing, you should've stayed with Ethan. He's your date guy, not me."

And there it is. Ethan. The guy I didn't want to bring up but can't stop comparing. "It's just... with Ethan, it was different. He wanted more than just the physical stuff. He wanted to get to know me."

Jace rolls his eyes, clearly done with the conversation. "If you're looking for something else, Ivy, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not Ethan."

I feel my heart drop. This isn't what I wanted to hear. "I don't know... I picked you for a reason. I just don't want it to feel like all we do is have sex."

He shrugs, pulling me back into his arms like it's nothing. "You're overthinking it. Just relax, babe."

I lie there next to him, but I can't relax. My mind's spinning, thinking about Ethan and how different it was with him. And now I'm not even sure I made the right choice anymore.

The next day, I'm sitting with Mia and Jess at the cafeteria, still feeling off. I pick at my food while they talk, but Mia catches on that something's wrong.

"Ivy, what's up? You look... off."

I shrug. "It's Jace. I tried talking to him last night about us, like... if there's more than just the physical stuff, and he kind of brushed it off."

Jess raises an eyebrow. "What did you expect? He's Jace. He's not the type to do dates and all that."

Mia nods. "Yeah, girl. Jace is the 'in the moment' kind of guy. He's not gonna be like Ethan and take you out on cute dates or anything."

Jess chimes in. "He's hot and all, but... if you're looking for more, I don't think Jace is gonna give it to you."

I feel a weight in my chest hearing them say that. Maybe they're right. Maybe Jace and I are just physical. But if that's the case, why do I still feel like there's more? Why do I still want more from him?

I'm more confused than ever.