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Keeping the bowl full of vegetable soup on the tray, I walked out of the kitchen to the bedroom where Anika was resting. Yesterday was really bad day for Anika. I did not expect myself to comfort her when I was the only one to hurt her the most and to swear to ruin her that too in front of her.
But I didn't want to hurt her at that moment. The man who cuts down heads that deny to bow down, actually held his most despised person, his wife, close to his body.
I chuckled silently, shaking my head. Even the cooks were surprised to see me cooking because I never even entered the kitchen for water, leave alone cooking.
Yesterday, I was very shocked to hear about her past. I never knew that a barely matured girl was raped so brutally and tortured. The thought itself angered me causing me to grab the edges of the tray tightly. She was just a girl, a young and innocent girl who had just started to see the real world and work for the life she had dreamt of when life took such a turn that it left her bruised. She didn't deserve this.
But what's eating me up now is that I had unknowingly made her go through exactly the same thing she had experienced. I locked her in the room, chained her, made her torture that man and insulted her too much. I still don't like her for hurting my brother but I don't know if I hate her exactly like before. It's easy to hate without knowing the actual reason because once you know it, you can't think straight. You simply can't feel just one emotion towards that person. And I hate such confusions. I hate emotional confusions.
I don't pity her, given she's a strong woman who knows how to stand her ground but I feel pain. My heart ached remembering her words. I've been feeling fury, hatred and guilt surging through my veins each second after yesterday. I don't know why but I just want to give her some relief from the burden she's carrying.
She never hit my sensitive spots emotionally, yet, I kept hurting her. I don't know how many wounds I've given her from the very night of our marriage.
I hate myself for that. I don't understand why I feel like that for her. Those complex emotions make me feel so frustrated that I feel like ripping off my skull after pulling out my hair. One moment I hate her so much but the next moment I discover something about her that makes me go soft on her.
It'll be better if I maintain some distance from her. I can't think straight right now.
Sighing in frustration, I opened the door to her bedroom before stepping inside. She was sitting on the bed, her back resting against the headboard. Her eyes were closed and the serene look on her face somehow made me feel calm.
The white thin curtains moved smoothly with the slightly cold wind embracing the room. Because the sliding glass doors were open, the only sound entering the room was the sound of raindrops. It's raining today.
