Lost in Lies

Chapter 12

Kim had been busy the last 3 months with his Asian concert tour. His days were full of interviews, TV appearances and Fan meets, then he would try and get a few hours sleep before the concert in the evening before falling into bed about 2-3am for another attempt at a few hours sleep before waking up at 5-6am for the day (and the cycle) to begin again. The fact was that he hardly ever had more than 2 hours sleep, combined, per day due his old nightmares couldn't be helped. The one night he could actually remember sleeping more had been the night he spent with Chay, which bought its own headaches. His old nightmares had now been joined with ones of Chay beneath him, above him, in various states of arousal and completion, only to release. rise, zip up his trousers and leave without a word. The only words echoing behind the retreating form were always the same..........

'you aren't good enough for anything are you?'.

He hardly had time to eat and change, let alone anything else, his schedule was hectic. However what had happened that evening of the opening day, as well as the day afterwards, still replayed in his mind, like a particularly stubborn TV show clip he couldn't get rid of. When he was interviewing for his tour, it was there.......when he as doing fan meets......it was there....... Even when he was on stage, a place where he always prided himself on being able to loose himself to the music he performed, those images had followed. The images of Chay's skin under his hands, the delicious noises the younger man had made and the images of that indifferent silence Chay had greeted him with the day after, even the way the younger man had almost pulled away from him when they touched.

In the few times the two had communicated in the past few months Chay hadn't mentioned why his attitude had changed so dramatically, in fact he hadn't mentioned that evening at all, and Kim couldn't bring himself to raise the subject. The two had fallen into conversations that consisted of nothing more than asking how the other person was, receiving the expected answer, asking how work/uni was going and receiving the same affirmative response. Once those questions and answers had been exchanged there would be an awkward silence over the phone until one of them found some excuse to end the call with a promise to call back soon. 'Soon' was getting longer and longer each time the two spoke. On the positive end, Kim told himself, Chay had not raised the idea of ending the 'relationship' the two supposedly had, which Kim hoped meant that they at least had some chance of solving whatever was wrong once he got back to Bangkok.

If someone had told Kim that he would have been happy with the problem of, being confused about his feelings regarding a boyfriend who wasn't his boyfriend in relationship that wasn't supposed to be a relationship, as his only problem while on tour, he would have laughed. At the moment though he would have been happy if that was the only thing he had to worry about. Pictures of himself and Chay at the fan meeting had been circulating since that day, and were picking up pace the last month or so. The pictures the press had taken at the fan meeting had been joined with some pictures of Chay, obviously taken on peoples phones, in which Chay had dark circles around his eyes, was hunched over, or generally looked tired and upset. Whoever had taken the photos of Chay obviously hadn't gone looking for him as they still referred to him as 'WIK's Kitten' which Kim was, at least, grateful for, however the problem of the photos still remained.

The photos had been accompanied by headlines such as.

'Superstar lover WIK.......maybe not as good as we first thought'

'Is Superstars boyfriend trying to hide bruises?'

'Superstar WIK cheats and boyfriend finds out?'

'Is the star a lousy lover?'

'Superstar idol actually and violent abuser?'

Kim's...........or rather WIK's........brand and popularity was built around him being the perfect boyfriend for either gender. On him being the ideal man, a man who would open doors, take you for dates, serenade in the park and buy flowers. Of course, it was all false as Kim himself would never dream of doing anything like that. Before Chay appeared in his life he had never even considered allowing himself to feel anything like love at all, but he knew he had the appearance to pull off such a thing and WIK had become the perfect substitute. The last month or so the press had been slowly dismantling what he had taken so long to build up, the idea and personality of WIK. Kim didn't believe for a moment that Chay had said any of the things the press reported as coming from 'reliable, unnamed sources' which where heavily hinted at as him. Even if Chay was still mad at him for something, Chay wasn't the kind of person to badmouth someone in public, especially when it involved spreading lies. Whereas the press where exactly the kind of people to make shit like this up if it helped them make a name for themselves, and what would help them more than to report on Asia's good boy turning bad!