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twentytwo.

{ lando }

She called me cute.

What the fuck? I've been overthinking the three words she said 'God, you're cute' ever since she said them and it's been literal hours. I'm not even sure how I made it through dinner with her Mum and Ruthie.

Did she mean it in a good way like she's attracted to me? Or like in a cute like how a little kid is cute way?

Fuck.

The past few months have been absolute torture. When I walked into the studio room for our photoshoot that first day, I was not expecting to see her. Zak had only told us he hired a new photographer, no other details were given.

I wish I had had time to prepare myself. Jonesy Thomas was my childhood crush. I remember meeting her in Year 1 and thinking she was the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on. Oliver used to tease me endlessly about it, Flo and Cisca even joined in once they were old enough to understand.

When her family moved after year 8, I never thought I'd see her again, so I tried so desperately to forget about my crush. But it was always there in the back of my mind. So, needless to say, when I walked into the studio and saw her that day in February, my childhood crush flooded back with full force.

I guess I never really was successful in forgetting about her.

I remember that evening, after leaving the MTC, I called Oliver and told him about Jonesy joining Mclaren. All he did was laugh for nearly 3 minutes. He knew how down bad I was as a kid and how things weren't going to be easy for me now that she was back in my life. He even told me that, apparently, every girl I attempted to date, dated, or messed around with had some quality that Jonesy did. Apparently, everything circled back to her.

And here I am, acting like a fool and being way too touchy with her and getting jealous for dumb shit and overthinking how touchy she is with me and thinking way too much about how she called me cute today. What is wrong with me?

Sometimes, I wish I didn't feel things so deeply.

But could she feel the same way? I mean, I've seen the way she looks at me at times. She's let me sleep in her bed with her and cuddle her on the couch. But what if that's how she's with all of her guy friends? What if I'm just another friend to her?

I told Carlos everything a couple of weeks ago. I think it was after Miami, after Jonesy and I got fussed at for a hug. A damn hug. I can't believe Charlotte's mad about how I hugged someone I consider my best friend – and hope to be more than that, but I'll never mention that to Charlotte. Carlos told me that I should at least talk to her about it, that communication is healthy and what I need.

But that scares the shit out of me.

What if she doesn't feel the same and I've just completely ruined our friendship? The rest of this year will be so awkward and I don't think I'll be able to function. I'll just be constantly thinking of what could've been. I think I'd never be able to focus on another race if she was there. Fuck my chances for the WDC at that point.

"What's got you so in your head?"

I blinked rapidly to bring my attention back to the room. I had forgotten Jonesy had been in my, her bathroom getting ready to go to bed. Her Mum left an hour or so ago and Ruthie had now gone off to bed herself. Someone tell me again why I offered for her and Ruthie to take my place here in London? Now, every time I came here I'd either have to crash with Max and Pietra or Ruthie and Jonesy.

Geez, I'm an idiot.

Thankfully, I wasn't staying in town for much longer. My flight back to Nice was tomorrow afternoon. I'd only have to be Jonesy's roommate for one night.