BREAKING FREE

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Amanda crouched beside her worn, wooden wardrobe, its once-vibrant finish now faded from years of use. The familiar scent of her sin haunted her.
Her heart racing, she buried her face in her hands, tears streaming down her face.

Her cluttered room, once a sanctuary, now felt suffocating. Posters of her favorite gospel artists hung crookedly on the pink colored walls of her room, their inspiring quotes mocking her current state. Her guitar, faithfully by her side during countless worship sessions, leaned silently against the bed, its strings humming softly in the silence.

Amanda's gaze drifted to the window, where sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow on the floor. But even the brightness outside couldn't penetrate the darkness within. She wanted to escape through the windows, but what's the essence of a physical escape when you're still trapped within, in the corners of your silent secrets.

How could she, a music minister, struggle with such darkness?

With shaky hands, Amanda gathered her knees close and rocked back and forth. She hated herself, hated the fingers that had betrayed her. The cold tiles on which she sat on gave her a little bit of comfort as she wrestled with her thoughts, cause she could feel that her whole body was on fire.

The Bible on her bedside table lay open, the highlighted verse staring back at her like an accusation. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit....(Romans 8:1)

"Are you even in Christ?" The Accuser came with questions piercing deep into her ears and heart.

"You fulfil the desires of your flesh, so, that scripture is not applicable to you". He laughed at her.

"Shut up!". She defended, weakly.

"Do you want to tell me that you didn't enjoy all these 6 years of pleasure? You can't even wait to try it with Steve, your Pastor's son. I've seen the way you look at him seductively....I can help you achieve what you want!".

His laughter echoed in her ears as she covered her ears with her palm and struggled in tears. With trembling hands, Amanda crawled towards her bed and reached for the table knife on her bedside table.

Her heart pounded in her chest, her thoughts racing.

"This will make it stop. This will make the pain in my heart go away."

Amanda's hand trembled as she pressed the knife to her wrist. The cold metal sent shivers down her spine. She hesitated, her mind screaming "No!" but her body seemed to move on autopilot.

The blade sliced through her skin, a searing pain shooting through her arm. Amanda gasped, her vision blurring. Blood trickled down her wrist, pooling on the floor.

Tears streamed down her face as she stared at the cut, horror and shame washing over her.

"Oh God, what have I done?" she whispered.

Amanda's gaze fell upon her Bible, still open on her bedside table. The highlighted verse "There is therefore now no condemnation..." (Romans 8:1) seemed to mock her.

She felt a wave of despair wash over her. "How can I face God after this?"

Just then, her mom's knock on the door broke the silence.

"Amanda, darling, food is ready."

Amanda quickly wiped away tears and hid her wounded wrist. "Hi, Mom!" she forced a smile.

Her mom noticed Amanda's puffy face. "Were you praying and crying, Darling? Your face looks puffy and red."

Amanda lied, "Yes ma...I..". She tried to give an answer when her mom noticed something behind her, and tossed her away gently.

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