I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no clue what I'm doing anymore. Why am i so invested in Snivellus. No... It's not Snivellus... Not anymore... When did my feelings towards him started changing? Was it when I found him having a nervous breakdown in the bathroom? He looked like absolute sh*t when I found him...
But in that moment, all I wanted to do in that moment was hold him tight against me and never let go... Reassure him that everything's going to be fine... But how am I supposed to do that... When I might be the cause of his breakdown and when I had the chance to kiss him... I just took it. I'm the biggest f*cking idiot that this goddamn earth had the misfortune of meeting.
But when I did... It felt great... Magical even... I felt like I could stay in that moment forever... Like seriously! If I had a time turner I would go back in time, push my past self out of the way and kiss him again. His lips were so f*cking soft.
(Narrator: We get it... You like shagging Sev, we get it. Seriously? You let him narrate this chapter? He's just going to end up talking about Severus the whole time! Next thing you know he's going to talk about procreating with him! Author: This is his POV. Of course, I would let him narrate! That doesn't mean I don't feel immense regret it.
*Author and Narrator looked at James who had hearts surrounding him*)
But I'm in love with Lily aren't I? I have been in love with her since First year... Right? So why do I want Severus instead? Why do I want to be close to him? Why do I want to hug him, to never let go? Why do I want to kiss him? I can't stand the sight of him standing so closely to Malfoy and Sirius' younger brother.
When Regulus kissed him... All I felt was rage. I wanted to pummel him to the ground so bad but what rights did I have to do that? I wasn't his friend nor was I anyone important in his life unless if you count me being his biggest tormenter which makes my stomach churn every time, I think about everything I've ever put him through. Is it because I'm... In love with him? I'm not sure at this point. All I know right now is that I really, really want to be with him, in his life. Whether as a friend or something more. But how am I supposed to do that when he hates me?
I want to apologize to Severus. I really do. But every time I try to say it, something different comes out of my f*cking mouth. God f*cking damn it! Why is it so f*cking hard to apologize! Maybe because deep down I knew he wouldn't believe me. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. I will do everything in my power to get him to forgive me because mama didn't raise a coward! Whether it's taking him out to buy him food, apologizing to him Infront of the whole school or begging on my knees for him to forgive me.
Ah! I completely forgot that there's a trip to Hogsmeade this week! Maybe I can get him to go with me as a treat and an apology! Good thinking James! Turns out there is a brain in my big head after all! Today is the weekend. Severus is usually in the library on the weekends. How do I know this? Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. Although I have a feeling the readers would really want answers but that's too bad because I ain't giving you one suckers! I'll go see if he really is in the library. I hope Regulus isn't there with him because ever since that quidditch game he's been sticking to Sev like glue which does nothing to lessen the feeling of wanting to punch him into his next life.
----------
A/n: Missed me? You all probably don't. You probably hate me rn but anygaysss... You know what I wrote for the summary of this chapter?
I wrote - Just James talking about his feelings towards Severus so that the plot can make sense.
Anygays... See you in the next chapter! Buhbye!
YOU ARE READING
Can You Leave Me Alone!?!
Fanfiction[REALLY SLOW UPDATES] After dying in the war, Severus Snape found himself back in his 6th year at Hogwarts. He was determined to not screw up his relationship with Lily and try to save her from her impending doom but for whatever reason a certain S...
