Hopelessly Romantic

Part 10

There was a mandatory uniform when you were in high school. It was a prestigious school, and as much as you and Annie would complain how unfashionable the clothes were, you were glad no one knew that all of your clothes were thrifted or hand me downs. But there were instances when someone could dress up, and when they did, you were still in your uniforms admiring the wealth that they had, could use for themselves. Mikasa was one of them, her family radiating wealth for generations. Honestly, you expected her style to be more relaxed, instead she wore fancy clothes that were too wealthy and short that showcased her height and body. You could tell she was uncomfortable, but it was yearbook day; it's all out for your family.

Now, you think you were right to assume her style was laxer, she just had to grow into it, separate to be in it. She's wearing light blue jeans, her big graphic tee showcasing a band she likes before it leads into her jewelry on her hands. Then there's her hair, cut so short you can see the ting of pink to her ears. She's had alcohol. You wonder if this is her first time. You wonder if you could've drunk with her. You wonder why you still want her before your gaze is on the tall brunette. He's wearing nothing similar, but oddly familiar, and you need your brain to tell you why, who you saw with something that matches- "Sorry, are we interrupting something?" Mikasa's the one to talk, eyes flickering between the two of you. You're drawn from your thoughts only slightly, heat attacking your cheeks and spreading like wildfire. "No, we should-" "I'll go," Reiner interrupts you, standing up and leaving you so quickly you think he might be racing a cheetah. And you're just alone with three strangers who you knew before. Well, heard of.

You swallow, not knowing what to do until you will yourself to stand on shaky legs, from nerves and alcohol, and gather your things before hearing the door shut. Blinking, you almost trip over yourself when you look back at the door. The room is big enough for more than two people locked inside. It isn't that bare, a desk off to the side, some random art, a chair, some decorative furniture, study materials- it's like a normal room, if not for the shake of the walls from the music and maybe from the room behind you, two people definitely in there. You swallow again, your mouth the desert. She's just here with you. She's here with you in this room. She's here with you alone. Holy shit- "Where's that Annie girl?" You inhale a tight breath, gripping onto your purse. "Um... With my friend." She nods, inhaling the way you did and shoving her hands into her pockets. "I don't think I introduced myself to you before-" Please don't , you want to plead, her words a constant reminder of just how forgettable you are.

"I'm Mikasa Ackerman, but you can call me Mikasa, or Mika- A lot of my friends do-" "We're friends?" You say it like you're offended, and you are, but not by the fact that you could be friends with her, but the fact that you'll never be more, she doesn't want anything more. She exhales, a smile licking at her lips like it's funny when you're pissed, like you're paper and she's scissors. Gods, you'd let her cut you all over if it meant you could have her- You beg your mind to stop, and it doesn't. Her presence and next words don't help either. "Well, I'd like to be. I mean, I don't see why we shouldn't be- You don't know me." For one miniscule second, you think her eyes are desperate, but for something you can't tell, like she's grasping at your sleeve on her knees, begging you for something she can hold onto. Like she wants you to remember something. You look down then, a habit you've taken up when being scolded or force-fed information you didn't want. This has made every detail of someone's shoes so dug into your mind you can recall the girly socks Annie's father wore when you both got home after dark. Annie got them for him as a joke, yet he still wore them and treated them as the most fragile thing in the world. He did that with Annie too, treating her as a gift. You wonder if he was your father, would he treat you that way? Or are you that unworthy of the 'gift' life Annie got?

"You like them?" She says after some time. Honestly, you hope the concept of time stops, the college experience forgotten in favor of this girl you've always had feelings for, feelings you can't get rid of. When your lips open, you have that urge to confess again, ask her if she remembers you and the way you confessed your sins of love to her. But you engage, biting off the head of the conversation, "They're pricey." She hums, leaning on one leg and pointing her other shoe out. "I got them as a college present." You nod, eyes lapping up the black and white details edged into the decent sized shoe. "Did you get any more gifts?" She makes the first move after your first question. She places her foot on the floor, and almost pridefully, she hums and starts walking over to you. You don't know if it's because she has a strong presence you're trying to escape or if it's because you want to sit and talk to her for the first time in- ever, but you do know you plop back onto the couch with a thud, body reacting impulsively. "I got some watches, business clothes, study material- My cousin got me some cleaning supplies-" You snicker at that, and you don't know if it's a good sound or bad when Mikasa just stares at you, finally sitting down.

"Sorry-" "Nah, he is unintentionally funny. He actually got a commercial for cleaning supplies, cleans around the school too." You nod, picking at the edge of your thrifted purse. It's such a contrast to her and her attire that you feel an ache, not in your tooth, but in your being. There must be something so wrong with you- "What about you?" You hum in question, looking at her, her pale skin, the tiny scar on her forehead, you ache to ask her, and the swirl of content gray in her eyes. "I want an introduction to you. Your name, the gifts you got." You almost scoff out a laugh, actually, you know you do by her reaction, but the question is so... boring to you that you almost see this room as an old class and the both of you as seniors. It's like you could've had this sooner, the universe teasing you. "What?" She asks, and you wave your hand in defense. "Nothing, nothing, I just thought my name was obvious." She pouts, childish and humorous. You think she's intentionally funny, unlike her cousin. "My name was too, but I still-" "Y/n," you say, interrupting her.

You both look at each other then, your eyes flickering between one another like you need to consume them, like you'll die if you don't look at each every second. "My name is Y/n L/n. But my friends just call me Y/n." Her lips crease into a smile. "No nickname?" You shake your head. "Okay, Y/n, I guess this makes us friends now." You smile, but it's forced. You don't know if she can tell though, and you don't know if you want her too or not, if you want her to just be a stranger you'll lose once college is over, once you're fully regretful, or if you want her to look at your lips, brush her fingers against them, comment about only smiling at her with real smiles, never forced, even if that means there's no smile sometimes; she just wants you- "Mikasa, Eren and I are going to leave- Oh, Y/n." Armin steals your attention and you finally realize why Eren's outfit was so familiar. He was wearing something so identical, and if you had the balls to go up to the blonde, you would've recognized it sooner.

Armin seems skeptical, eyes flickering between the two of you before Mikasa interrupts him, saying something you linger on. "Why are we leaving so soon?" Does she want to stay with you? Does she long for you the way you do her, after so much time apart- "It's already two in the morning. What do you mean 'so soon'?" He inhales, looking over to you. "I hope you don't mind-" "No, no, I should get going too." You're the first to stand this time, purse in hand as you make your way over to Armin. "It was nice seeing you." He hums, pushing the door open wider. "Yeah, talk tomorrow? "Library," you say without thought, walking away after brushing up against him slightly.

It doesn't take long for you to find Annie and Hitch, the latter resting her head on the blonde's shoulder. You snicker a bit, gathering Annie's attention, it snapping to you like a rubber band. "Hey," you say, moving to sit beside the two on the curb, next to the blonde. "Hey," she says, exhaling as if relived by your presence. "How was it?" She's the one to voice the question, you hum, leaning forward on bent knees even though the dress is now at your hips, showcasing what's underneath. You couldn't care less in her presence, couldn't worry about anything. "Pretty good, you?" She hums, nodding and leaning back on her hand. "Pretty good, but we need to get home before talking more." You hum, body tingling from and mind clinging onto the word home - Your home.

"Yeah, let's go home."