Hopelessly Romantic

Part 25

The dinner wasn't good. Nothing was good after Annie left. You don't remember much, actually, maybe a snarky comment and pissed glance from Hitch, but nothing came from Mikasa. She was practically a statue with how little she talked and moved. The waitress was the only thing really keeping you there. You don't know why, but she smiled at you, she kept a conversation flowing until she left, but then she returned and so did the conversation. It was refreshing, a break from whatever was going on in your mind that you were too tired to deal with. Really, that's why you don't remember much of the dinner. It felt like you were back home, it felt like there was nothing but your future to daydream about, except this time, it was so unsteady, so unknown, that you couldn't do anything besides dream about before, the good times with Annie you had, the moments when maybe there was more but you just didn't realize it yet. And in every moment, there was something you never thought about. Maybe it was the way she looked at you longer than you did, maybe it was the way her hand held yours when you were anxious, maybe it was the times she gave you her lunch even if it was her favorite, or better; when it was something she didn't like as if she prepared it just for you, not even considering herself. But of course, you had overanalyzed your overanalyzing and gave up after a certain point, gone from Mikasa's car and gone from Hitch's presence.

You don't know your future, you don't even know your past, but you do know that right now you can't be alone. It's a rare statement, one you don't even realize you need unlike your body, already walking towards a building you didn't even know you knew of. Still, you're here, mind barely viable and your entire being exhausted from the flats you squeezed your feet into. Flats. You're going to be a terrible journalist. Inhaling, you look at the light blue door before knocking. It's cold against your knuckles, hard yet smooth. You want to go to your dorm, you want to hug Annie and apologize for being dumb, confess that you may have feelings for her- You want this weight, this burden of living off your shoulders because- You're gone from your hometown, everything should be good now and everything isn't. Everything you're doing now is for nothing, everything you've done was for nothing, everything that's happened has made you the person you don't want to be, incapable of doing basic human tasks. You want to go back, you want to warn yourself and beg yourself to not put so much faith in your future when you have been getting more B's than A's on a scholarship, when your friendship with Annie is somehow ending in one day. When you're eighteen and incapable of having all that you've ever wanted. Inhaling, you watch the silver doorknob turn, and for the next few seconds, you let yourself remember the blonde in the cafeteria, this current library. You let yourself be coaxed into a false sense of popularity that fades the moment a brunette stands tall behind Armin's door.

With furrowed brows, and socializing skills like high school Annie, you bite out, "The fuck are you doing here?" Eren lifts a brow, emerald eyes inspecting your form like you're a rat in a trash bag dress. "I could ask you the same thing since, you know, you're at Armin's door at seven." Your emotions are never hidden, even to a stranger, even when you're beyond burnt out. You think you're ash in the air, floating amongst others, so fragile that a fingertip can turn you to nothingness. You think that's the only thing you're good at; dusty, stubborn, unnecessary particles in the air. Eren notices your change in face, but ever gracious, moves the topic to the burger bag in your hand. He must know the place, you realize before he points to the red 'Titan Food' logo. "What burger did you get?" Holding up the bag a bit, you admire the grease, eyes darting to your tight hold on the bag. Shrugging, you say, "Turkey burger, for my roommate." He hums, ignoring everything you said besides the burger itself. "Give it to me and you can come in." You raise a brow as if to say 'seriously'. "Where is Armin even at?" "RA had some problems with me being here after curfew. Now, you want in or not?" "Depends, when is he coming back?" Eren shrugs. "In twenty minutes-" "Okay-" "To three hours." You inhale, visibly annoyed as your eyes roll, unable to hold back any emotion.