Hopelessly Romantic

Part 31

It's late at night when Hitch answers my text, around eleven, and it's still late at night when she comes to me, around twelve. I had first sent it to someone I wasn't supposed to, so I panicked and went to Armin. He helped me when I first started cheating, and even now he does. Armin was the first to know about Y/n's crush on Annie, and he was the first to tell me about Y/n's crush on Annie. He's done a lot for me, chosen me over some college friend that he actually has a better connection with. Armin chose me, and if Eren knew, he'd choose her.

I know he would because I see the way he smiles at his phone, greets Y/n when he sees her with me, refuses to talk about any of their talks with me. I know she's his friend the way he's hers. So, Armin hasn't told Eren. It's a secret he shouldn't keep from Eren, but they seem fine- not the way Y/n and I seem fine. I think if things were different, if I hadn't been so afraid, so surprised that I didn't go after her, then maybe I'd have a chance with her. Our love wouldn't've shriveled, instead, it would've blossomed. "Hey, Hitch," I say letting her in with a kiss to her lips. She's frantic, a little shaken with a breathy exhale as she enters my room. I shut the door, locking it before turning to her with a confused look on my face. "Something wrong?"

Her lips part, a shake of her head answering me before her voice does, "I- I think Annie and Y/n are dating-" "What?" The word tumbles out of me before I even process her words. They're muffled against my eardrums, and in my mind her words take hours to process before she continues, "Y/n and Annie were- they were in the- the pool and- and Mika-" "I've told you not to call me that, Hitch." It's all I can cling onto, the little nickname reserved for the one woman I truly love is the only thing I can cling onto in this never-blooming flower of a relationship. "Mikasa, they were fucking in the pool, your nickname isn't-" "Annie and Y/n- My Y/n." She swallows then, the personal pronoun something she needs a moment to take in.

At least, that's what I think. Hitch has always been easy to read to me, and I honestly think she is to almost everyone. She might be passive aggressive, but I'm fluent in her language. I'm fluent in all of her. "I- I have a photo-" Her hold is shaky on the phone, fingers tapping away aggressively on the screen before she shows me a photo. It's blurry, but I know who my girlfriend is even if we've been on the verge of breaking up for four years now. She's kissing her best friend in the photo, almost submerged by the pool like she wants it to take her whole, to save her from the door of our relationship. Annie is saving her, I realize, I'm just too late. "You think they're..." She nods rapidly, her phone screen turning black so I can have a mirror to stare into what my life has become.

"Maybe they found out about us, Mikasa. Maybe they've been doing it for as long as us-" "No," I spit out, refusing to believe this woman in an ugly bikini with a breathtaking body hurt me the way I hurt her. The woman I love who hasn't loved me in a while would never do this to me because I did it to her, I know the signs and she never gave them to me. She only gave me what little love she could provide. I wish I have her more of mine before pushing her away, giving her up when I promised to show her every single star in the universe. "But-" "I fucked up first, Hitch. Y/n would never-" "Mika, you aren't-" "I told you not to call me that!" I hear my mother's voice, echoing in my dorm room that's honestly too big for me. I find my mother after years of not hearing from her.

My bottom lip wobbles, I continue, "You are just pissed that Y/n isn't like you, desperate to be something Annie desires when we both know you'd break her the way I've broken Y/n- Timem and time again, I will never not break her, repeat the cycle." I laugh, a scoff of a laugh that's mainly just me being pissed off with myself. It reminds me of Y/n; tears prick the corners of my eyes. "We both knew what we did before we ever got into this. We both knew there was no happy ending in this story... In our life, there's only reality-" "That's not fucking true, Mikasa and you-" "No, you know it." I walk towards her, broken and begging someone I don't want to fix me. "You know there's only business school for me and you're going to go off to some resort and never return the way you've always planned... Annie was your only other choice and now she's gone-" "You are my other choice Mikasa!" She steps forward too, and I'm too shocked to move.

Like I'm at the vending machine in high school, I'm too shocked to move when she confesses, "I like you, Mikasa. I've always liked you. When Annie came around, sure I feel something for her, but you were my first, you were everything to me, and still are. I only helped Annie to get over her, to get with you, and now you're using the excuse that reality's always shit, that not even millionaires can have lives with happiness. For fucks sake Mikasa, it's your life, live it for yourself. Give everything up the way Y/n tried to, but this time, don't run back." I stand there, staring into her eyes, and then I can't see well, and I feel warm arms wrapped around me before I feel the first wet tear on my cheek. She's right; I can have my happiness, I can live for myself, but I'm still an Ackerman, so I can't have all that I want. I can have my bakery, but not my person.