Hopelessly Romantic

Part 32

It takes two days before you see Mikasa again, and in those two days you realize it's the end of your relationship with her. It was nice while it lasted, dates that were public but not in public, ' I love you 's, and promises that dwindled as the years passed. It was nice even though she never gave you the sun and stars. It was nice being hopelessly romantic with Mikasa. Now, you're sitting on your bed in your dorm, boxes packed with books you don't need piled and ready to gift to all of next year's graduates. It's less than two months now, just two days less, but still, you'll have no more graduation, no school fees, no ties to school except using your degree to get a job far away from home. Or in home, you aren't sure now. Then, you receive a text from Mikasa on our dorm bed as you stare at your boxes full of memories. It's all ending, a proven bad ending as you read her text from your lock screen.

Mika

We should meet up but I have no idea where

Me

How about the vending machine where you asked me out on our first date?

Mika

You always have the best choices, Princess

Seeing your nickname is daunting, makes pressure build in your eyes but never break past your lash line. Blinking your eyes back to the boxes, you realize you have nothing left to give Mikasa. She left nothing over at your place and you left nothing over at hers. You were doomed from the start. Standing, you grab a jacket and slip on some crocs and then open the door, phone in hand before you shut it. You're in the hallway and walk away from your empty dorm. You walk until you see a vending machine. You slow down, surveying your surroundings for a second before you find the glass wall of snacks. And a strawberry pop. Smiling a pathetic smile, a smile that wants to go back in time, you rest your hand against the pink can's cage, wishing you had money one last time. You're pulled away from your thoughts when you hear footsteps. The halls are oddly empty for an afternoon, though it is Friday, you thought there'd be someone lurking in the shadows.

She smiles, and guilt finds you once more. "Hey." Your eyes go to the floor, pressure suddenly too much as you find yourself swallowing down a plea for mercy, to beg her to never forgive you for your actions- "I'm... I'm sorry." She smiles, it's a pitiful smile, a smile you don't know why is on her lips. She should be angry; you want her to be angry- you would be angry if she let another woman touch her so why- "Are you and Annie dating?" You're shocked at her question asked so calmly, asked like she always knew you two would be at that pool, touch each other in the water at night. "N-No, Mika, I am dating you-" "But do you want to?" You don't know whether she's asking if you want to date Annie or if you really want to continue dating her.

"What do you... mean, Mika?" She lets her gaze move to the floor while yours is on her; her hair that's freshly cut, her outfit that's too much like yours- She's not put together, and it makes sense to you, but it hurts all the more when she continues to reply calmly to you. Like she isn't hurt, not as much as you are. "I don't want to date Hitch, Y/n, but I-" She stops, breath catching her words before she exhales. Suddenly, you remember Eren's words, how he wanted you to use her. It makes sense when she replies, "I still went to her the way you went to Annie." There's pressure in your eyes, Mikasa too blurry to even see. "How..." Your words stop for a second, a breath stealing you as you fully comprehend Mikasa's words. "How long have you been cheating- Since you didn't want to be seen together? When Hitch came over dressed like me when we were making out?" Your voice is wobbly, accusatory as you blink rapidly, trying to calm your dam of tears that so desperately wants to break in front of her.

She shakes her head, and for a moment you want to believe this isn't real. The vending machine behind you is the one from high school, and instead of being interrupted by Connie, you're interrupted by her plea for a different spot, to do this in private where your mind can be dissected and cared for. "No, it was after you told Reiner about your feelings for your blondie." She's a bit pissed when she says it, her own voice drenched in a bit of pain as she speaks to you. Rather than asking how she knew that, why she didn't come to you when you told Reiner that sensitive information, you breathe out, "I thought I cheated on you-" She interrupts, "You did-" "But you cheated first-" "Does that really matter?" Your breath hitches, words stuck in your throat as you look into her eyes. She's not blurry anymore, so you know your tear-filled dam broke, but her own is building. You aren't as angry as you once were; guilt isn't as prevalent when she's been cheating for four years.

"...I guess not, Mika." You inhale a tight breath, corner of your lips creasing as you smile at her. Your tears keep falling, pressure building and breaking over and over again like you can take it. "We were doomed from the start, weren't we?" She shakes her head, almost offended by your words. "No, no we were something good." Her voice breaks and you sniffle, rubbing your hands against your cheeks and eyes. "How can you say that?" She steps closer to you, so close you feel like your chest might collapse. "Because I'll wait for you." Loving Mikasa Ackerman is never-ending. You've always wanted something that stretches on for years to come because there's always something to look back at, something you never want to leave you. The fire burns the house, and the house still stays. But how realistic is a never-ending fire? Mikasa has consumed you, and you doubt the house would've ever consumed the flame. "I'll wait even after college." Her voice is wobbly, but her confidence is still there, her stubbornness because she's never been denied. You don't curse her wealth as much as you once did. "And what if I..." Your eyes flicker between her own, desperate to hear her stop you, to tell you she's joking. "What if I date Annie?" She answers without a second to breathe, "I'll still be here for you." She says it like she means it, like it's the only truth she's ever told.

"I'll always love you, princess. I don't think I'm capable of not loving you." It's coming to an end, your school years, your childhood, your crush on Mikasa, your relationship with her that should've lasted so much longer. You swallow, so desperate to feel her hug you, to feel her promise replay in your mind on a never-ending loop. It will. "I'm going to try not to love you, Mika." You gnaw on your inner cheek, biting so hard you taste metal. You don't know whether you're lying or telling the truth. She smiles, as if content with your words, as if she knew this all would happen. If you were really capable of loving her the way she should've been, you would've grabbed her shirt, told her not to expect this. Instead, you let her talk, "I know Y/n, and I really hope you get that." Your lips part, one last breath leaving you before you hug her, squeeze her so much you think you've broken all her ribs, consumed her for once. All you can give her is what you truly want for her, happiness. "I hope you get that bakery, Mikasa." She cries on your shirt, and you never get rid of it.