Love Rivals: The Day I Saw Your Tears

113. I Had Fallen For Him

I tried to focus on the conversation with Vicky, nodding and laughing at his jokes, but my eyes kept drifting toward Ryan and Nitya. They were working together seamlessly, exchanging smiles and helping each other without a care in the world. The way they interacted, so effortlessly, made my chest tighten. It was as if the weight of Ryan’s coldness towards me was growing heavier with every passing moment, and no matter how hard I tried to distract myself, my thoughts were filled with them.

They looked happy together -- too happy. And it made my stomach churn in a way I hadn’t anticipated. I had set this plan in motion to push Ryan and Nitya together, to put Ryan in a situation where he could be blamed for cheating on me. But now, watching them, I realized how much it hurt.

No doubt Ryan had shattered my heart before—twice, in fact. But he had also supported me when no one else did. He stood by me, defended me, when the world turned against me.

The sight of them being so close was unbearable, so I made an excuse to Vicky and quickly walked away. I needed space, somewhere far from this suffocating feeling. I found myself heading toward the temple at the top of the hill, hoping the quiet would help clear my mind.

But as soon as I reached the temple, all the strength I was holding onto crumbled. I couldn’t control it anymore, and tears flowed freely. I leaned against the cool stone wall and let it all out, sobbing into my hands. The weight of everything was too much to bear.

He pissed me off—so much that it hurt to even think about him. I wished, with all my heart, that I had never crossed paths with him. That I had never let him into my life, never allowed him to get under my skin.
I wished I could go back and undo it all. But I knew, deep down, that I couldn’t. Somehow, I always let him play with my emotions so easily, letting him back in even when I swore I wouldn’t.

And the truth was, I was scared. Afraid to unlock the feelings I had locked in my heart for so long.

I still remembered that night vividly—the night I cried so hard in my room after Ryan confessed that he never loved me. That he had only been playing with my feelings. The words cut deeper than any insult, and the memory lingered, refusing to fade. I could still recall how I struggled to pull myself together, hiding my tears from my parents while they scolded me for my bad scores. Every time I watched couples confess their love on Valentine's Day, a tear would silently slip down my cheek, reminding me of what I lost, of what was never real.

I remembered how my hands would tremble while holding a pen, the weight of my parents' disappointment heavy on my shoulders. The scornful remarks about my failure. And the worst of all—the night I made my mom cry. She knelt in front of the Puja room, devastated after seeing my NEET results. That image haunted me. Those years of falling short, of disappointing everyone, of pretending not to care... they never left me.

No matter how much time had passed, I couldn't stop reliving those moments. I couldn't stop thinking about the person who shattered my world. And worse of all, despite everything, I couldn’t stop loving him. After all these years, the feelings remained—the hurt, the heartbreak, and the love. They all coexisted in this tangled mess within me.

Yeah... I had fallen in love with him eight years ago.

Squeezing my knees to my chest, my head buried in them, I let the tears flow freely. My body shook with each sob as I cried out all the pain I had kept inside for so long. For a brief moment, I let myself break.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard faint voices—small, joyful chatter growing louder. Startled, I lifted my head, wiping the tears hastily with the back of my hand. Through blurry eyes, I saw a group of kids walking into the temple, their laughter filling the air. They ran around, playing and giggling, completely unaware of the world outside their little bubble.

I forced myself to breathe deeply, trying to regain my composure. Watching them chase each other around, I felt a strange calm settle over me. Their innocence was a reminder of simpler times, when life wasn’t so complicated, when heartbreak didn’t exist. I stayed there, quietly observing them, hoping their joy would somehow ease the ache in my chest, even if just for a moment.