Love Rivals: The Day I Saw Your Tears

135. Not As a Rival, But As a Man

I raked my fingers through my hair, the frustration mounting. The pressure build with every unanswered question swirling in my mind and I couldn't take it anymore. With a half-chuckle that carried no humor, I finally spoke. "Sarah, be honest with me," I said, stepping closer, trying to read her expression. "Why do you really want the divorce? Are you afraid... afraid of falling in love with me?"

Her eyes wavered for a moment before her voice came out, slightly unsteady. "How could I fall in love with you again, Ryan? You played with my feelings once. I won't let myself go through that again."

Her words cut deep, but I wasn't ready to back down. My voice hardened, though beneath it was a tremor of desperation. "I'm not playing, Sarah." I paused, then a sudden thought struck me, and I let it spill out, more bitter than I intended. "Wait... is this about revenge? Is this your way of getting back at me? I turned you down back then, and now you're doing it to me, here, in this exact place, just to even the score?"

She shook her head slightly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I thought about revenge... many times. But I couldn't. I never could."

My frustration boiled over. I took another step toward her, my voice cracking with emotion. "Then why, Sarah? Why are you doing this?" I felt myself getting lost in the confusion of it all, the memory of that night flashing through my mind. "That night... was it really that hard to accept what happened between us? That wasn't some game, Sarah. It wasn't a joke. That was me, all of me, laying my feelings out in the open. I've been hiding them for so long because I didn't want to risk losing you."

I stopped, letting the silence hang for a moment before pressing on, my voice softer now but filled with pleading. "And the past, yes, I admit it -- I approached you back then with the wrong intentions, to distract you. I was an idiot. But that was years ago. We were kids. Look at us now. You've built your career, I've settled into mine. There's no competition anymore, no reason to push me away. So why, Sarah? Why do you want to walk away now?"

Her voice suddenly rose, filled with a raw frustration that caught me off guard. "You're the one who's made a career, Ryan. Not me."

I frowned, not understanding. "What are you talking about?"

"It's you, Ryan. You've made it, but I haven't," she said, her voice shaking. "I haven't built any career at all."

I stared at her, completely thrown. "But the ..."

She cut me off. "I lied, Ryan. I lied to everyone. I don't have a job. I never ever had any MBA. I just couldn't stand the thought of being looked down upon. So, I pretended. I made it all up."

I watched as her hands trembled, her usually composed demeanor cracking right in front of me. The vulnerability in her voice hit me hard.

With a shaky breath, she steadied herself, her eyes clouded with a mix of determination and sadness. "That's why I can't get distracted now. I need to make something of myself, Ryan. I can't afford to lose focus. This time, I want to really succeed. I want to see my parents' faces light up with pride, to give them the daughter they always dreamed of."

I pulled her closer, the space between us shrinking as I whispered, "Does my presence affect you so much that you can't stay focused? Is it really that hard to be around me?"

She tried to twist free from my grip, but I didn't let go, drawing her closer still. Her lips were just inches from mine now, our breaths mingling. "Tell me, Sarah," I murmured, my lips brushing against her cheek as I leaned in, "how much do I get under your skin?"

Her fists tightened against my chest, her breath hitching. I moved closer, my lips grazing the edge of her ear as I whispered, "I loved you then, Sarah. I always did, even when I didn't show it. But I was scared. Vicky... He kept teasing about telling my dad, and I wasn't ready to lose you or him. I'm sorry for that. But now, I can't bear the thought of losing you again."

As my lips traced a path down her neck, she tried to pull away, but I held her firm, my grip steady. I could feel her breath trembling against my skin. My lips hovered dangerously close to hers, and as I watched her, she slowly closed her eyes.

"Look at me," I whispered. Her eyes fluttered open, meeting mine, her gaze filled with something raw, something fragile. "Is it really so hard to admit that I affect you? Have you ever really looked at me, Sarah? Not as your rival, but as a man?"

Her breath caught, and for a moment, I thought she wouldn't answer. Then, in a voice so shaky it nearly broke, she finally said, "I did love you. Back then, I really did."

Her words stunned me. I took a step back, letting go of her, caught completely off guard.