Love Rivals: The Day I Saw Your Tears

41. Memories: I Want, She Doesn't

For seven long years, I’ve carried the guilt of what I did. Sarah, on the other hand, has been pretending she's fine, but I know better. She's not. The truth is, while I’ve clung to the memories, she’s been trying her best to erase them. Now, I’ve made my choice: if she wants to forget, I’ll help her.

I began pretending we were strangers whenever we ran into each other. I kept my distance, no matter how much it hurt. She never glanced back, and neither did I. It was like an unspoken agreement between us—to let the past slip away. Our lives became separate, each of us wrapped up in our own worlds. We drifted apart, just as she wanted. At least, that's what I kept telling myself—that this was for the best.

I announced my engagement to Nitya to all my friends, except for Sarah. The ring ceremony went smoothly, surrounded by everyone I expected to be there. But as the evening wore on, a strange uneasiness crept in. No matter how perfect the event seemed, something felt incomplete. An uneasy feeling was bothering me.

That night, after my engagement, I returned home and tossed my coat aside. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I found myself staring at the ring on my finger. It gleamed under the dim light, a symbol of commitment, yet something felt off.

"I should be happy," I muttered under my breath, trying to convince myself. I paused for a moment, but the words felt hollow. "Why can’t I be happy?" The question lingered in the stillness of the room. It should've been one of the happiest moments of my life, but instead, my mind felt tangled, uneasy.

I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the feeling. "I have to be happy," I said aloud, almost as if saying it again would make it true. But the more I forced the thought, the heavier it became.

My gaze drifted across the room, and that’s when I saw it—the keychain hanging from my drawer key, the one Sarah had given me all those years ago.
"Why am I feeling this way?" I whispered, my chest tightening. "Why does it feel like my heart is crying out for something?"

The silence that followed only deepened the ache inside. As I kept staring at the keychain, I realized that no matter how much I tried to move forward, part of me was still stuck in the past, tied to something I couldn’t let go of.

I took the gift Sarah had given me in the parking lot and carefully unwrapped it, revealing a soft neck pillow. It was simple, but its bright color and cozy feel immediately caught my attention.

There was the small note tucked inside. I unfolded it, and in her familiar handwriting, it said:

"Until you find a shoulder, this will help you."

I stared at the note for a moment, then  leaned back, clutching the pillow.

My phone buzzed, snapping me out of my thoughts. It was a text from Nitya.

"Let's go to the lakeside tomorrow, and then we can visit the church. Let's enjoy Christmas together."

December 25, 2016 ************************

Our class gathered at a cozy restaurant to celebrate Christmas, the room filled with laughter and festive decorations. Yet, despite the cheerful atmosphere, I found myself scanning the crowd. Something—or rather, someone—was missing.

"Where's Sarah? She didn't come?" I asked, trying to sound casual, though the knot in my stomach gave me away.

Kiera shot me a teasing look. "What's going on, Ryan? Lately, it feels like you're craving Sarah's company every chance you get."

I shrugged, trying to play it off. "It’s not like that. I just noticed everyone else is here except for her. Thought maybe she's stuck at home studying."

Vicky chuckled and patted me on the shoulder. "C'mon, man. Forget about studying for now. It's Christmas! Let's bottoms up and have some fun."

I smiled weakly, grabbing my drink, but my mind was somewhere else.

Cheers filled the air as laughter echoed through the restaurant. I excused myself from the crowd, craving a moment to breathe. As I strolled down the familiar streets, my eyes landed on Sarah's house. Glancing up at the balcony, I was taken aback to see her standing there, a radiant smile lighting up her face as she waved at me.

Caught off guard, I felt a rush of shyness wash over me, as if we were staged out for "Romeo and Juliet." Unable to meet her gaze, I looked down, my heart racing. I could hear her voice clearly. "Mom, I've got a friend outside! I’ll be back before dusk!"