Beautiful Disaster

Drifting on memories

Tatiana's world have been turned upside down. Life has really took a turn on her. She lost a piece of her heart the day she watches the US Marshals handcuffed and Muerto and put him in the backseat of that car as she watched them drive away. The tears fell off her cheeks. Nothing been the same sense. It's like the world stopped. Her world has now ended, and everything in it Now she's just in a different one watching everyone else live there enjoy the things she used to. she doesn't want to do them without him. She in someway feels that it would be wrong and disrespectful because he wasn't there to enjoy them with her. The panic attacks have become more and more frequent. Her anxiety was usually under control, but since he's been locked up, it's gotten worse , he has tone down on the video and calls and it's been right back up there. Only thing Tatiana is feeling is lost and empty inside. She is shut the world out. She won't feel again until Muerto returned home. She knows that she could go shopping to get out of the house, do her hair and her nails  Putting on, but she'd rather not didn't like when she put make up on. He loved her all natural that's one of the many things she loved about him and her spent a lot of time even the cold days outside that weren't the best of times to remember, but that's what made them so much stronger together going through Rock bottom times when they both could have walked away, but they stayed because they both knew deep down that they were always meant to be watching movies was always a time to remember. It was one of the many things she loved doing with Muerto. He would always have the food and snacks ready they start to watch the movie after being high and then only to fall asleep, then wake up and that they fell asleep and missed the whole entire movie and telling friends and family. It was a great movie and that dish watch but her most favorite thing to do was going by the water overlooking how calm and peaceful it was picking up shells. It didn't matter if it was at Bayshore in Green Bay or by lake Winnebago in neenah or even stopping in Menasha as long as they were by the water, they were happy and always at peace. They loved being grounded with the universe. They loved going for a walk late at night, especially when they were in Nina. They were walk the streets in Clintonville for hours after going to Mom's house. Things were a bit complicated but they were always OK, there were so many great memories made over the year they were together. Tatiana took so many pictures that she looks through reliving and missing so much. She has struggled with addiction for a long time that nobody knew about with Muerto being locked up and Tatiana alone it's been a trigger. She's been able to stay clean by calling her sponsor, but it's not easy but she does it every day . She keeps reminding herself that she is better than that and that she wants better for her and Muerto together she hated being part. It's like neither of them can function without the other. They both seem to always get in their head. He does a great job, hiding his feelings and emotions always feeling like the strong one and doesn't want to show any sign of weakness, but if he only knew  showing feelings wasn't a sign of weakness, Tatiana is just losing it out here not knowing what's gonna happen? Is her biggest fear? The only person that can help now is probably Tatiana's father and even then he might not be able to do much but it was worth the chat . Tatiana was willing to do anything to get him out and back home with her. He has been gone long enough every time they talk on the phone Tatiana always tries to bring up happy times to help make it less hard for Muerto but sometimes it just turns out ugly. They did have their good days and bad days just like any other couple  didn't always know what to say to make things better. She did feel that anytime the baby mama was in the picture. The whole day is ruined. Muerto is always saying what he gonna do. Tatiana doesn't say anything but is at that point of just saying to just do it then what you waiting for if he truly wants a life with Tatiana thanks what have been done he want to have to think about anything. Actions speak louder than words . She just wants peace and wants to avoid unnecessary arguments. Things are amazing. In fact when he doesn't speak to her, but he doesn't understand. He only sees what he wants to see but regardless the memories he made together always outweigh any negativity. The love Tatiana has for Muerto will always prevail the only crime being committed was love.