It's been two weeks since the Brits and I've had 2 more in counters with Chris which i haven't told Niall about. Next week the boys will be going to tour and its official I'll be joining them helping out with the wardrobe and doing anything else they want backstage. Although Elise is unable to be on tour constantly she will be joining us at a few of the tour stops along with Phee so she will be able to see Calum, which may I add have been acting very close lately. Today me and Niall had two jobs, hand in my final piece of work so I can officially end all my school years and the other job... Shop. Ew.
Niall was currently hanging the dresses up in the car ( a.n the ones Phee and Charlie wore a few chapters back ) so they wouldn't get creased or ruined although at moment he seemed quite happy to help out ...this morning he was complaining like a 2 year old 'why can't you just send them in the post' was his argument but I'd rather make sure they got to the current place safely. And because we live in London it was only a 25 minute drive. In the car I started the feel tiered and light headed, due to my lack of eating. For the last few days I've constantly had water in my hand and have only eaten when it was nessasery. My hair has stared to become weaker and falls out in clumps when I brush it and I feel a lot more sensitive. All the side effects of looking good I suppose. While Niall was singing along to all the songs on the radio I sat in silence not wanting to use up a lot of my energy. When the car finally came to a stop I literally had to drag my self from my car seat and to the back doors to collect all my paper works.
"You got everything love ?" He asked me collecting the two dresses while I slowly made my way to the front door of the main office.
"Yep" I weakly said and smiled. He gave me a concerned face before walking in next to me taking long strides which I found hard to keep up with.
When we entered a girl a few years older than me was sat behind the desk
"Hello, how may I help you two?" She asked politely.
"Erm, I'm here to hand in my assessed work"
"Arhh right, this could take a while so go take a seat" she said while pointing to a seated area.
I picked up my work and bottle of water before making my way over. After about 10 minutes an older man came out
"I heard there's someone hear to file in their paper work" he said smiling to the both of us. I raised my hand signally it was me.
"Okay follow me"
He took the work of Niall and walked through the doors he had just walked in through. Niall gave me a peck on the lips before sitting back down.
Half an hour later and everything was done. Officially no more school or collage for me ! I would be excited if I had the energy. I walked backed into the office only to see no Niall.
" he went out side" the woman said to me before wishing me goodbye.
"Yeah I know man-"
"-what am I going to do Lou"
"-No she just won't eat!"
"Only when she has too and it's a tiny bit-"
"- I know, I know but I'm scared Lou what if she goes too far?"
"I'm worried for her mate"
He sound's so weak and empty it broke my heart and it was all because of me and he can't even confront me about it. I hid behind the wall listening to his conversation with Louis and with each word he exchanged I felt my self become that little bit more sick in the stomach. The more sickened with my self I became the more I began to pick at my seeled scars wanting nothing more than for them to reopen. Slowly I felt my self becoming more and more distant from the wall, the hand which was firmly placed on the wall fell and my other hand stopped picking. My body fell in unison to the scream of my name by Niall.
Niall's P.O.V
I watched her sleep peacefully in the white hospital sheets which made her small fragile body look even smaller. I'm such a failure. I cant even keep the girl I love save. What an asshole. I even promised her dead mother I would keep her safe and I've failed. Fuck. The beep of her machine helped me count the seconds I've been sat her staring at my girl.
I made my way over to her other side so I could hold her hand without any wires getting in the way.
"B-babe" I chocked
"Babe wake up, I know what you've been doing and it hurt me and obviously you but please wake up I'm not mad at you, I swear"
I held her hand for a little while longer until I let go to get a drink. As her hand fell her thin wrist turned over showing her pale thin veins underneath her tattoo's begging for nutrition. Along with dozens of faint lines, I've always new she had self harmed but I never dared to bring it up only because none of them were ever fresh and I didn't want to bring up her past life. I remember one night I carried her up to bed but all the bracelets around her wrists got tangled in her hair so I took them off and she flipped at me. Grace is so different to any other girl I've dated or spent the night with and I loved it. Her tattoo's and piercing's made her look more attractive and the way she always wore her doc martins and eyeliner show's shes still being her no matter if shes in the public eye. I look over to the end of her bed and pull out her notes to see whats happening. It says she's going to be put on an eating plan and I will reseve weekly messages from the doctors to help with her health. But when i read her list of 'problems' my heart shattered
'Eating disorder'
'Anxiety'
'Weak emune system'
' schizophrenia'
And
'Multiple scaring to body'
I felt my heart jump to my throat as I read the last one. Scaring. And ' schizophrenia' who would of guessed, maybe she no longer has it? I feel like such a pathetic boyfriend right now. A tear slowly slid down my face uncontrollably.
"Hey, hey its okay. You cant do anything about it" she said taking my hand. Scaring me slighty at the fact I didnt register that she was awake.
"I'm sorry Grace" I sobbed taking her hand yet again kissing her pale knuckles repeatedly.
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Sorry im taking so long to update !!!! - Grace ♡
