"Babe"
"Babe wake up we're nearly at the venue" Niall lightly shuck me to wake me up from my midday slumber. Although I was apparently on the way to recovery I was still weak as shit and needy to take naps through the day. The 1D lads and I were currently on the Where We Are Tour almost a week into the American leg meaning it's been almost 3 weeks since I collapsed.
Weak bitch
He passed me my pills and gave me a kiss before walking back to the lads I suppose. Although all the lads were well aware of what happened as they all visited me in hospital, not one of them dare to mention it instead they all give me sympathetic smiles and look over me like I'm a China doll. Niall and Louis have been the most protective though with one of them always being near by. Because of one of two things. The first thing being their both aware that I'm depressed as shit and the second thing is they both know and kind of understand schizophrenia, poor them. I dragged my self from my bunk which was opposite Niall's and under the Spare bunk because of the frequent nightmares I had I didn't want to wake anyone up in the night. I walked into the mini fridge sorting out my twisted top on the way, as I passed Zayn was sat at the table and chairs watching my every move, see what I mean ?! They think I'm fucking pathetic.
Because you are.
I got out a bottle of water and made my way to the back room were everyone else was. I didn't bother to interact with Zayn only because I didn't feel the need to become embarrassed. I walked into the 'zone' as they have been calling it only to get even more sympathetic stares. Fuck me.
"Hey babe!" Niall chirped breaking the awkward silence as I sat down between him and the wall. Before I could answer he passed me and apple, he was deadly serious about getting my eating habits back on track. I took it off him with quickly pecking his cheek. As I ate all the lads in the zone watched me intensity.
You the main fucking attracting.
Their stares are making me mad and the voices in my head are making me sucidel.
"You know what" I said dropping my apple to the coffee table in front of me and slapping my hands on my knee causing Niall to flinch at my sudden movement, something I hadn't done in a while due to lack of energy.
"I don't need your sympathetic looks. I don't need your concern. And I don't want you watching me. The voices in my head are enough to battle with and your making my battle a lot harder than it should be! I'm sorry that I'm a pathetic 18 year old who can't look after her self humanly. Maybe I should of died in that hospital at least you wouldn't be on tour with depressed bitch like me. But you are, and I'm sorry, like really sorry but to make it a little easier treat me like normal. Please"
All the boys looked at me yet again with sympathetic smiles apart from Niall who I could see what generally smiling for some unknown reason which I will ask him about later.
See your pathetic
"Your doing it now! Stop it. Stop it. Stop. It" I was nearly crying by now my voice was louder and my eyes had a thin layer of water covering them. Niall snaked his arm around my waste in comfort and pulled me into his chest. With out a would Liam stood up and pulled me into a hug which all the other boys followed into including Zayn who came to witness my breakdown.
"We'll help" someone whispered I'm unsure of who because it was muffled but I nodded my head in understanding .
**********
I was currently back stage watching the show with Calum who had already showered from their set and wanted to watch the show. We were towards the back of the stage sat on the floor where only a few fans could see us. Until now we'd said not a word to each other. Something odd because usually Calum would talk to me but I suppose that's what happened when you starve your self. Everyone treats you like your different
Because you are different. Your a fuck up.
Every now and then Niall would look at me from the stage to check if I was alright occasionally blowing me a kiss or winking which the fans around us thought was directed at them. Calum would also look over at me to check I was okay and I think I was slowly driving my self insane.
"Stop it." I boldly said when I felt him move his head in my direction to check if I was okay.
"What?"
"I said it clear enough-" I carried on with "- don't treat me differently. I'm the same Charlie just with some changes" I said this time turning to face him.
He let out a laugh and a steady breath and somehow I found it comforting to know he knew he could relax.
"So... How's Phoebe?" I asked cocking my eyebrow at him making him chuckle and turn slightly red.
"Don't shit with me Calum" I sternly said over the eruption of noise from the fans.
"Yeah- um yeah- we're fin-I mean - yeah she's good" he stuttered scratching the back of his neck becoming even more red.
"Oh my, your dating?!" I asked
With out saying anything he looked away into the crowd.
"OMG YOU BITCHSQUEALER "
"Bitchsquealer ?"
"Yep that's my new nickname for you"
"Bitchsquealer.... I like it" he said laughing even more.
**********
"Come watch a film with us Charlie!" Harry pouted childishly sucking up his bottom lip to make him look like a 5 year old.
"C'mon Grace" Niall joined in. Since my out burst they have all gone back to their normal selfs around me and its making me feel a lot better.
Awe their giving you the sympathy vote.
The voice inside suddenly changed my thoughts.
"What is it?" I shouted from the kitchen area were I was preparing everyone ... Including me, a plate of nachos along with alcohol of their choice. So for me it was anything with vodka in. I swear me and Louis are the only ones on this bus that have a good taste in alcohol.
"We can't tell you until you come here!" Harry shouted and then I heard a lot of mumbling the closer I got to the door
'You pick the film'
'No you pick it'
'Zayn you pick it'
'No I don't want to'
'Niall do it before I shoot someone'
'But I dunno what there is'
Oh my god I swear this boys were 4 year olds.
"Dinners served" I announced walking into the room were they all stop their fumbling and turned to face me.
"Okay let me pick I film"
I said avoiding the whole conversation about how no one would pick a film.
We eventually picked on Elf although it was February and it was a Christmas film. Me and Niall were sat together and all the other boys were hugely engrossed in the film while I played with Niall's hands in my own while I was curled up again his chest.
"I'm proud of you" he whispered into my ear looking down at me.
"What for? Getting fatter?"
"For getting your self back"
"I'm far from sane at the moment" i whispered mainly to my self but before he could question it any further I cut him off.
"Why were you smiling this morning, you know when I shouted at everyone ?"
"Because that's the Grace I know and it was slowly coming out"
