Diary of a broken kid

College

After high school , i went to college, but unfortunately i was forced to study medicine . I had always wanted to study English literature, but my parents had other plans for me . I wish that they listened and let me follow my passion for literature. But no one ever seems to listen .
College was different from high school. For the first time i had friends . Even more surprising, girls found me appealing. I was shocked , honestly, i always thought that i was ugly- my big nose , dark circles under my eyes, wide mouth , and unruly wavy hair . It felt strange at first to get attention . But eventually, i got used to it and liked it . I started talking to a lot of girls , but none of them seemed to interest me. They all seemed the same none of them caught my attention.
Except for one girl. She was older than me and i met her through her sister that is my friend . Her name was Lily , and the moment i saw her i was in love . She was breathtaking- dark curly hair, big beautiful brown eyes  , and a soothing voice that i could listen to for hours . We fell in love right away, thanks to her sister , and soon after we started talking . After two weeks we were dating . I had never felt happiness like that before. The only thing that was  close to that feeling was when i was high . But with Lilly i didn't need a refuge  , she was my escape . I loved her sincerely more than i ever loved anyone.
We spent all our time together, often skipping classes just to hang out . We'd watch movies together, play video games , kiss and write poetry together. She was my first relationship and first love .
But then everything started to fall apart . Lily had bipolar disorder, and dating her became a living hell . When she got depressed , she would break up with me , and it shattered my heart every time . Our relationship lasted nine months before it finally ended for good . She lost feelings for me , and i was devastated. It was the most  soul crushing pain I've ever felt .
After the break up , i spiralled into a never ending depression. I stopped going to classes , studying  , and barely left my room . The emotional agony , was so much to deal with , and i couldn't handle it . Unsurprisingly i failed college  that year .
My parents were furious, especially my dad . He told me i was nothing but a disappointment. He didn't speak to me the whole summer break . And the silence was unbearable. I just want him to understand that i was going through so much , but he never could. I hate that he sees me as a failure  and sometimes i felt like  i hate him for it . But the truth is i love him.  I love him so much and all i've ever wanted was for him to be proud of me . But deep down i knew that its something that it would never happen