Diary of a broken kid

Bulimia

I've struggled with bulimia my entire life . It started when i was a child, and by the time i was 15, i weighted only 39 kilograms. But things got worse when i began taking medications at 16. The medicine  that was supposed to help me only made things more awful, they made me gain weight and i hated my body more and more . No matter how much i starved myself, the weight kept coming on . It felt like i was trapped , unable to the skinny version of myself that i longed for.
Even now , my bulimia hasn't disappeared.  I still battle it everyday. Though , i started eating well due to Mary, who pushes me to take care of myself. My health has suffered. I have low iron, dry skin , brittle  hair and a bunch of other problems that linger for years of mistreatment .
My mom always worried about me . Since was a kid . She was heartbroken over it . Eventually she turned to my therapist, asking for medication to help me eat , but i refused to take them .
I have always hated therapy . The whole concept felt pointless- paying someone to listen to you . And my therapist? She didn't even care about me . She was rude , blunt , and often disrespectful. She even told me once that i was  stupid and blamed me for trying to end my life . It was one of the lowest moments in my life .
I've been going to therapy for almost three years , and it feels  like the same story over and over again . Every therapist gives you a medication that slowly kills and slows your brain . I despised therapy with all my heart . And i hated the meds even more .