Diary of a broken kid

Post break up

Everything went downhill after the break up. I tried to talk to other girls, but none of them felt special . I was broken and numb, like a body without a soul. It was as if my emotions had been taken away , leaving me hollow.
I isolated myself from everyone . I lost all my friends and became lonely once again . It reminded me of high school- those painful years when i felt forlorn and forsaken , when it seemed everybody hated me for no reason at all. Now i was back at that place , pathetic and alone.
After the break up, my drug addiction worsened. Weed no longer numbed the pain, so i turned into hard drugs , Xanax . It was soothing, peaceful . And far stronger than anything i had felt before.  The feeling reminded me  of the calm and comfort i used to feel when kissing Lily's lips. I quickly became addicted . Xanax  became my only escape , refuge from the crushing weight of life .
The first time i tried Xanax was when i had stolen my mom's prescription  in attempt to end my life . Even then , i liked the way it made me feel. After the break up , i dived into its anguish addiction , i started taking it everyday until it consumed me . I couldn't stop .
It didn't take long for my mom to find out . She was furious and disappointed. But to me it felt like Xanax was my only source of joy and serenity, my only way to deal with this miserable existence. She told my dad , and his reaction was even worse . He kicked me out of the house . I was gone for days . My mom begged him to let me stay, but his answer was a cold , firm no .
For a week, i lived with my grandmother . Eventually my dad called , asked me to come back home. First i refused - i was still angry, hurt . But my grandma convinced me to give him another chance . So i did . I came back home.