𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟒𝟎

❛ 𝐡𝐞𝐫 ❜

"𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍"

IMMOLATION

It's dark in here, black almost. But never too dark enough-for me to hide.

I am trying. So hard. So, that this darkness would swallow me whole, chew on my skin, slowly. Crunch my joints, and flesh until i'm reduced to nothing but skin and bones.

I feel the urgency to hide deepen, within me.

I have to hide.

From myself. From this world.

I am sitting on the cold floor, between these scattered sheets of ink, filled with dark hues of blue and black.

Words inked by the boy, I used to...

I stifle a laugh and reach out for one of the many crumpled pages, across the floor.

It has a stamp on it, a hyacinth-it used to be my favorite flower, with a puddle of glue hovering above it right at the centre.

'y/n' it read.

'you may strike at me' I began reading,

'yell at me, throw your fists at me, I wouldn't mind.' I press my lips into a thin reading further.

'you know i wouldn't...but please, y/n, dear, come back to me. I know, there must have been something I've been ignorant to, for you to never once turn back to me, since your departure, not write a single word to me. I know, i should have known.'

My mind is telling me to stop, but my eyes continue to move either way, from each word to another, perfectly, reciting it out loud in my head.

'Yet i don't, and I...am sorry, but please, you may punish me in whatever means you may like, but this.'

'I love you,'

I think i might have tore the petite sheet apart, but i can't tell. My eyes are blurry, my voice is reduced to nothing but these pathetic sobs, i can't seem to contain within.

I am shaking. Tremors running down my spine, down my bones before they seep right onto my core.

I watched days turn into weeks and weeks strech into months and months, into years that felt like eternity, waiting.

I waited and waited and waited till every ounce patience trickled down my heart, and evaporated into thin air like rain drops.

Hope over taken by dread.

Waiting for these.

These words, these letters.

I thought they would be like a cool breeze of ocean in the middle of a a hot summer day, but now that they are infront me, my eyes, they are nothing more than a punch to the gut.