Cecilia

Chapter 39

I can't recall a single moment throughout my life in which I'd been completely distraught in the absence of someone. And so it's of complete shock, and disgust, when I watch myself crumple while Matteo remains away.

It's been five days- two days longer than the amount Matteo was meant to be gone. And in those days, I've found myself missing him an appalling amount. I hadn't even realized how much I enjoyed his presence, nor how used to having him around I was until he left.

And the shitty thing is, I don't even know where he is or why he left. A chunk of his things were missing from his dresser, and the night he left, the thought crossed my mind: too much of his things were gone for it to only be three days.

Grayson must have noticed the damper on my mood in the past week, and I appreciate his attempts at trying to uplift my attitude. He's trying to help.

He's trying to make me feel better. I repeat inside of my head, desperately trying to focus on his positive intentions to keep myself from snapping at his pestering.

"Wait, wait. Hold still!" He demands, one of my fingers grasped uncomfortably in his hand.

"Grayson, you realize I'm still physically mobile, right? I can paint my own fingernails." I sigh as I look down, watching his hand messily splatter dark red nail polish around my cuticles.

"You might be able to, but I'm doing it to be nice." He lifts the corner of his lip, eyes concentrated on my hand. He forms his lips together and blows cool air onto the nail, then lifts the finger to proudly show it off. "See! Look at that."

"Mhm." I nod my head along, attempting to smile enthusiastically. "It's looks amazing, Grayson. You're a real professional..."

I gulp as reaches for my other hand.

"You know, truly, as nice as this has been, I can paint my nails." I coax my hand away, then gently reach for the polish.

"That's not the point." He huffs, snatching the bottle back. "The point is that you're supposed to feel calm and relaxed." He moves his hands as he talks, motioning for me to calm down.

I grit my teeth together, feeling the thin line of patience begin to crack. "And that's really sweet of you, but if you want to do something to help, you can tell me where Matteo is."

He frowns in response, lowering the bottle yet he doesn't look up to meet my eyes. "I already said I can't really talk about it. It's just familial things."

"Familial things." I repeat, a tinge of an annoyance coating my voice.

He looks at me apologetically.

"You know what?" I send him a tight smile. "I think I'm just going to head out for a walk, okay? I'll be back in a bit," I mumble the last bit as I get up to crab a coat.

"Okay." He nods with a frown. "Do you want me to come w-"

"No!" Immediately I realize my answer comes too quick, so I send him another smile to soften my delivery. "I- uh- that's okay. I'll just go alone."

"Oh, ok." He nods his head a few times. "Well, I'll be with Luca, text me if you need anything." He shrugs.

.•° ✿ °•.
I'd initially sought out the library for peace and aloneness, but when I made my way to my usual corner, a couple occupied my space. Now usually, someone taking up my space wouldn't normally arise so much frustration, but it was more so what they were doing.

The sight disgusted me beyond comprehension, and I wholeheartedly do not think I will ever be sitting myself in that spot again. They've contaminated it. And, to make matters worse, they contaminated the poor books beside them.

Safe to say, I hurriedly fled the scene. And then I searched for a new spot, and eventually, I settled on the courtyard. I found myself on a bench near a tree, and the setting sparks familiarity. When I look around I notice it's the same spot where I'd made peace with Matteo.

Pulling my feet onto the bench, I rest my chin atop my knees as I enjoy the quiet. The cold nips at the only uncovered spots on my body, and my nose numbs until I can hardly feel the frost anymore. I watch with a tiny smile as a white bunny hops around piles of packed snow.

Its nose twitches in the air, momentarily stopping as its beady little eyes search around. When they land on me, it takes curious little hops towards my spot. When it's nose twitches again, I realize it's food it's sniffing around for.

I shuffle around my small bag, but the only thing I have are small pieces of candy that I doubt would be good for a small bunny.

"Can you stay here?" I ask in a gentle voice, crouching down to the bunny. Part of me wishes to reach a hand and pet it, but I know it'd only scare it. "I'm going to get you some food, Kay?"

For half of a second, I was expecting it to respond or show some sort of affirmation until I realized it was an animal.
 
I only cross my fingers and rush to the canteen where dinner.

It takes a large amount of effort to push past the usual bustling crowd, and when I do, I make a beeline straight towards the line of food. I initially reach for the fruits: carrots, apples, lettuce, etcetera.

And then I realize I should probably get food for myself as well, and take a bag of chips and a plastic container of grapes.

When I turn around, my eyes immediately land on my usual table, spotting the forms of Grayson and Luca. Their usual chirpy moods appear somber and depressing. Luca's eyes meet mine from across the room and he offers me a smile and a wave over.

I raise a hand to point outside, but ultimately drop my hand, shoulders sagging as I head over to their table.

Luca kicks out a chair when I reach the table, but I frown hesitantly in response. "I was actually gonna sit outside..." I wring my hands in front of me.

Grayson frowns now, staring up at me from his seat. "Why?"

"Bunny." I say lamely, lifting a half-hearted finger to point outside.

"Bunny?" Luca repeats.

"Yeah, bunny." I hold up the carrots now.

"Um, have fun?" Grayson says hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

I wipe away my visible downiness. "Yes, I'm fine. I realized you're right, I'm probably being a little dramatic and need to just wait."

"I didn't say you were being dr-"

"It's okay." I cut him off. "Just let me know if you hear from him, Kay?"

With that, I flash them another reassuring smile before making my way back outside. A genuine smile rose to my face when I saw the bunny still there.

A/n: I send my deepest condolences and sympathies to anyone else currently in America after this election. Been devastated all day. May God be with everyone☺️