Anaya-His heartbeat

CHAPTER-20 SHIIVARTH DILLEMA

SHIIVARTH'S POV

The engagement night played over in my head like a scene from a movie. It had been loud, extravagant—everything our families expected it to be. But beneath the celebrations, there was something unsettling inside me.I couldn't get Anaya out of my mind. The way she looked, her eyes carrying both confusion and grace, made something stir in my chest. I hadn't anticipated the pull I felt toward her. When she walked up on that stage in her breathtaking outfit, I was caught off guard. I had reached out without thinking, helping her up, my body reacting on instinct. Then, kneeling in front of her, with the sky exploding in fireworks, it had felt... real, too real.
I could hear Vivaan's laughter in my ear, his stupid suggestion to kneel down, and the crowd cheering us on. For a moment, everything else disappeared, and it was just her and me, connected by that simple exchange of rings.
But that feeling was fleeting. The second it was over, reality came crashing back in. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. I didn't know her. I didn't love her.
She's beautiful—undeniably so—but marriage? Just because our families decided it? No. That wasn't me.
As much as I hated to admit it, Vivaan's advice about the letter had been right. Calling her a gold digger was out of line. She didn't deserve that, and the apology letter had been a small step toward righting it. But what did that even mean? Guilt didn't equal love. It didn't even equal attachment.
I couldn't afford attachment.
I had always been distant, even from my own family. My mother's absence, the coldness I grew up with, it had all shaped me into someone who avoided closeness. Ayaan and Samaira—they were the only ones I let near me. But beyond that? I kept my walls up. They were my shield, my protection.
And Anaya... she was something else entirely. She was a threat to those walls.
I watched her bond with Samaira and Ayaan during wedding shopping, and a pang of jealousy hit me out of nowhere. Ayaan had hugged her from behind, Samaira was doting on her—it felt like they were building a life with her already. They were so open, so easy, while I stood on the sidelines, refusing to let myself be pulled into that web. They were drawing her into our family, into our world, and I hated how natural it seemed.
I knew what I had to do.
Distance.
I couldn't let this go any further. Whatever small connection had formed—whatever I'd felt that night during the engagement—it had to end before it started. I had to stop this attachment before it turned into something I couldn't control. I wasn't going to fall into the trap of emotions and end up vulnerable.
Marriage was already looming, just five days after May 16th. That date weighed on me like a ticking clock, counting down to a future I wasn't sure I wanted. The expectations were there, the family was happy, and everyone was moving forward—but I wasn't. I wasn't ready, and I didn't want this. Not with someone I didn't know, and certainly not with someone I was growing to care about in ways I didn't expect.
I had to protect myself. And the only way to do that was to keep my distance from Anaya.
I wouldn't initiate conversations with her. After the engagement, I resolved to keep things formal, detached. I'd answer if she asked something directly, but I wouldn't go beyond that. No texts, no phone calls, no personal talks. I'd let her think whatever she wanted about me—it was better this way. If she hated me, maybe it would be easier. Maybe she wouldn't get her hopes up.
I told myself it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do.
But when I saw her Instagram story—Anaya, laughing with Ayaan and Samaira, looking like she belonged with them—it messed with my head. Part of me was jealous, another part proud, and another part... confused. I didn't understand why it bothered me so much. I didn't understand why I couldn't just leave it alone.
This was the chaos I wanted to avoid.
But even as I tried to convince myself of my decision, there was a voice in my head asking, *Are you making a mistake?*
I shook the thought away every time it surfaced. No. Attachment was dangerous. I'd seen what it did to people, how it could tear them apart. I wouldn't let that happen to me.
So, I stood by my choice. Distance. Formality. It was the only way I knew how to protect myself.