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Chapter Fourteen

NERISSA

Once we step out of Blade's castle, I smile. I felt as if I am at home. Anakin has been quieter and seems out of it ever since we left though.

What could he possibly be thinking? I don't know. If only, he would let me help him. I am a great listener and I know that if he talked it out, anything that troubles him won't feel as heavy. I want to offer my help but he won't take it.

If that's how he wants to be, then fine. Be stubborn. His one issue is that he wants to do that and he does not care. I can't help him, even if I'm drawn to it. My heart aches for all those who are hurting but his closeness to me has caused a slight hole to emerge in my heart. The only way to fill it is to help him.I know I shouldn't want to help him but now I realize how much he suffers.

While linking the song to his mind I noticed something, it is something that I am not used to. This feeling of loneliness and helplessness. There is no one in his corner.

I'm not sympathizing with him, but there's this feeling I receive on my shoulder, just where my mark happens to be, and it is driving me crazy. I don't know why I feel as if it has turned more wound than a birthmark. It feels sunken in, fresh, causing more of a weak throbbing feeling. Like a feeling that makes you nauseous when you're around someone. When I touch it, it's sensitive and feels as if it's shifting.

I sometimes wonder if he feels that way as well. It happens every time we touch. I need to keep my distance from him as soon as possible. I can make it through the next few days. Once I'm home, I will never speak to this man again. No matter who or what he believes in, I cannot risk this feeling of sympathizing with a Fallen.

Angels are loving creatures but I cannot allow it. I cannot allow a man, who has hurt me, to be in charge of this emotion every time we touch. He hates me and I should hate him more.

So, that's what I'll have to do. I need to learn to be as cold as him. The thought gives me pause, if I can be mean, then maybe, just maybe I can be as heartless. If there's one thing I do not want to happen more in the world is I don't want to be anything like him.

I don't want these challenges to change my loving personality.

I need to discuss with somebody immediately as to why we risen hate the fallen so much. I think Anakin's words have affected me a little too much to the point where I am starting to see fallen as worthy beings. They do not deserve this. I would even go as far to say that if I keep learning more about them, seeing them for all they are, I might be willing to bring the Border down.

We aren't born to hate the way they are, that is true, but I don't think that's all there is to them. They might be delinquents, but what does that make us? Spiteful? Petty? I just need to talk to the right person about this.

I still am upset about the time he brought his dagger, which is supposed to defend a lady, not harm one, to my throat. There is this side to him that terrifies me and then there is this other side that does the complete opposite.

I do not condone any sort of abuse, although he did do it out of anger, there is also so much fear in those grey eyes of his. Like he is afraid of me, of what I can do.

He looks at me like I am the monster.

I have never hurt anybody and I have no plan for it. The realization that he isn't scared of himself, he's scared of me, rattles me.This man lost his father at such a young age that it traumatized him. It will forever affect how he sees the world. He blames me even though I took no part in it. Even though I wasn't even born when it happened, because to him, all risen are bad. To him, we are all the villains in his story.

He hates all of us and he hates me even more because he saw some good in me. I think by helping him I made things worse. He didn't want to take my help and I forced it down his throat anyway. This overwhelming feeling of guilt shoots up my back and I stiffen. He did not give me his consent in the cave of thoughts. Here I am breaking more rules than Blade himself. That's another oxymoron to my big picture of life. Blade also did not seem like a villain entirely either though.

No one here really did.

So, why are they treated like one?

After continuing our journey to the next upcoming challenge for a few hours, Anakin stops. We stay close enough to the dark body of water that any hints of Kano's kingdom will alert us. "You need rest."

That is the first thing he has said to me in what felt like days.His silent treatment truly is like no other. You can feel his rage that emits like hot, blue, icy, fire. This is an odd combination considering we're taught in school that those two equal out and are not compatible, no matter the circumstances.

I analyze the male before me. His muscular build flexes in unison as he gathers wood and stone from around us. Anakin acts as if I am a nuisance as he moves around me. I don't exist in his eyes.

He kneels in front of me and I rest my chin on my palm. I go to talk to him when something comes alive before me. I stare at it. I can't believe my eyes. Anakin quite literally just smashes two rocks between one another, blowin out the ashes, and starts a fire. My jaw is on the floor before I smile. "Do it again."

He glances at me as he lays out the blankets for us. "No."

I pout. "Oh come on, why not? That was so cool."

He clenches his jaw. "No means no, Temptation."

A puzzled countenance crosses my face. I look at him. "Temptation?"

"Don't get too excited, Princess. It's my temptation not to slit your throat." He smirks, a smirk that would have any girl weak at the knees. Not me though. Not all affected by his smirk, instead of going weak at the knees, I roll my eyes and scoff.

"You are insufferable!" I reply and lay on what I think is my blanket.

Hovering over me, Anakin's dark glare ripples into me. "Get off."

Apparently it wasn't my blanket.

"Where's mine?" I ask, standing up, and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well, I didn't offer you one back at Calytrix's castle otherwise, you might have messed up your manicure having to haul it everywhere. Or you know, lose it. We just couldn't have that."

I feel dumbfounded. "Where am I supposed to sleep then?"

He shrugs as he gets in the sleeping bag. It doesn't take him long before he settles in, all comfortable. I want to ring his neck.

Anakin stares at me deadpanned. "Figure it out."

I search around and in the bag for something that can protect me from the elements. However, I only have one of his coats and a thin blanket. I'd freeze to death before I get past the time of dawn.

I scoff. "I hate you, grump."

"The feeling is more than mutual."

I smile as an idea pops into my head. I am not going to freeze to death tonight. I have gotten this far. He's just going to have to deal with it. It is more than enough room. I cross over to him and climb my way into his sleeping bag.