THE LAST PROMISE

CHAPTER 21 | A Mother's Hug

SPONSORED BY SIS JABULILE SIBANYONI

MAYA

If maybe I had doubts before about how Busani feels about me then they are gone because he couldn't fake those emotions he showed me when he thought I had harmed myself. He was bare, completely vulnerable to me about his emotions as he always had but today was completely different. I have never seen a man express himself the way he did.

He touched me on a deeper level I never thought was possible. The same a man is supposed to be supposed to be strong, a man doesn't cry but not my man because he keeps showing me things I never thought man are capable of. It shows that the man in my life really failed me and I have no respect or regard for them in any way other than being useless.

That includes my brother because I never thought he would desert me the way he did. It doesn't hurt anymore when I think about him. I don't care where he is or what he does. If I were to see him somewhere, I would pass him like he's just another stranger. Well he is not since I found out we are not related.

It is pretty clear to me that if our paths didn't cross with that woman, I wouldn't have had those questions and I wouldn't have called my mother. I shouldn't have done that and I truly regret it now not because of what she said about my father but how she said it. The hate she spewed with mouth using words. She could have just been gentle. I heard a side of her that I never knew before and I'm glad I did because now, I know who she is.

It makes me understand most of the things that have happened in my life. I was being punished for what my father said to her about making sure that I don't exist on this earth. I don't know if that is the truth and I might never know. It would have been better had she told me his name. Maybe just to see if I look like him, maybe to confirm what my mother said or maybe just to know who my sermon donor is, the man who didn't want me.

With every fiber of my body and being. I hate the surname that I carry of that man. I wish I didn't have to have it attached to my name. I wish my mother could have told me what my father's name was. Does it bother me that I don't know my real identity yes and I wish I could change it and have it not associated with me but one day I will and maybe I will also have the truth as to what really happened between my mother and the father who birthed me.

I look around my apartment and I realize that for the first time in my life, I had a home and I lived with people who loved me and gave a damn what happened to me. Some other people are not that lucky but I am. I am blessed and one day, I am going to show these girls how much they really mean to me. I will miss this place, I'm a little sad but I'm also excited to go live with Busani.

I love him, he's my home and I belong with him. We are going to try and make this love work. We are going to give it our best and I will not fail. Nobody has ever taught me how to love a man or treat him and I don't mean it like someone has to teach you that but just in general. I used to see my mother how he treated her husband and she loved that man. I think she loved him more than her own children, especially me.

I learned my things from her and I told myself that one day when I become a mother, if God gives me that blessing, I am going to love my children and protect them from their father. If he means them  harm, I will not please him at the expense of my children. That will never happen. I would rather walk away than let them experience what I went through.

I know Busani is not that kind of a person. He has shown me that he loves hard and protects even harder. I pray to God that he guides me in this relationship so I could love this man the way he deserves. I pray that I never disappoint and always be by his side following as he leads. I pray he protects our love and everything him and I are going to build. I was made for him and he was made for me.