Action Cat (Gerard Way X Reader)

Avoidance

TW: sleep disorder(s), avoiding, taking drugs (Xanax), body horror,  substance abuse, alcohol (mentioned), suicide (mentioned if you squint), degradation (kinda), borderline smut (if you squint), restraining (sorta), arguing

YOUR POV:

Another sleepless night, and another night where I woke up with a painful reminder and a terrible dream. Another night where I would go to bed without Gerard, and wake up to see him passed out on the couch.

Since Gerard began to heavily indulge in substances, I've been getting less and less sleep. I'm still getting sleep, but not as much as I definitely needed.

I would stay up and wait for Gerard to return home since he and his band were putting the final touches on their album. But after my eyes would grow tired, I would go to sleep and wake up from a nightmare.

I haven't told Gerard about my nightmares or anything. He was already stressed as it was from his bands album coming out in a few weeks, and I didn't want to add to it. So I kept quiet.

There were plenty of times where I woke up in the middle of the night and silently cried. My heart ached for Gerard, and everything that was going on.

Not only was Gerard coming home late and passing out on the couch, he was actively avoiding me. I didn't think it was weird at first since I knew that Gerard would often isolate himself to get his social battery back up.

But he's been looking...different recently. It's nothing drastic, but I've noticed that his face appears to be a bit more sunken in. It wasn't anything too concerning, but I did notice it.

I had woken up from a nightmare again, one about Gerard dying from alcohol poisoning. It scared me and as usual, I frantically looked around to spot him passed out on the couch.

I got up and quietly walked over to the couch and crouched down in front of him. He was breathing and softly snoring with his black hair all in his face. I reached out and brushed some of it aside as he cuddled into the cushions.

For some reason, and I'm not sure why, I felt like I was being drawn to his bag. Gerard always carried a small bag with him that was always full of pills, his wallet, cigarettes and the like. It was black and lying on the floor beside me.

I reached out and grabbed it as I unzipped it. I peered inside and grabbed hold of one of his prescribed pills—Xanax. I don't know why I was being drawn to it, but I was.

I knew what it did, it helped to calm down panic and anxiety. But it was also highly addictive (as every drug is) and would slow down ones breathing.

I never was one to take pills that weren't prescribed to me, but it felt like the Xanax was calling my name. It was like a sirens song and I was the sailor.

I quietly took the bottle out the bag and twisted the cap off as I made sure that Gerard was still asleep. I reached inside and pulled out a singular tablet before popping it into my mouth and swallowing it. I put the bottle back up and went back over to the bed and sat down.

I had never taken a pill that wasn't prescribed to me, and I had never been interested in things like drugs and alcohol, not even smoking. None of that interested me, but did I break my own rule just now?

•••

Gerard had returned home earlier than usual. Apparently he arrived at his producers place to go over the record with him and his band, but he didn't need Gerard to stay all day, so he came back home.

Gerard and I were currently lying in bed together. He was warm and smelled like alcohol and cigarettes. The cigarette smell definitely overpowered the alcohol, but it didn't bother me.